A Bump in the Road by Elle Wright

Author:Elle Wright [Wright, Elle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Blink Publishing
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 12

Round Three . . .

THE REST OF JULY PASSED WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL. It felt like a big change, a relief. It was somewhere that I had become so used to spending so many hours of my life, waiting for appointments or blood tests, being wheeled around corridors between procedures. A break was welcome. I was healing well after my last operation and, although I was a little weary from the last few months’ goings-on, it was nice to think that things might be a little more straightforward from here on in. That my encounters with the dildo wand might become less frequent and that there would (hopefully) be less chat about debris/scarring/whatever the hell had been hanging around in there for the past months.

It had also been over five months since our last IVF round had come to an end and more than four since the weeks of waiting and operations that unravelled thereafter. My body had enjoyed a break from the hormones that had caused a sense of constant turmoil. I was beginning to feel like I was in a place where I might consider doing it all again.

I was realistic about time. I knew that any new cycle would take up two months of the year at the very least. If it were to become a successful treatment cycle, resulting in a pregnancy, then it would be another eight weeks on top of that before we were at the point of having a 12-week scan. I knew those first weeks of pregnancy would be filled with nothing but fear and uncertainty for me, especially given our most recent experience. I didn’t want to enter into this with a blinkered idea of how it might feel or how intense that four-month timeframe might be. We needed to be sure that we were ready to go through it all again, this side of Christmas. Yes, it was early August and I was already considering Christmas again. Déjà vu? The months and cycles were stealing our years, with two, three, four months at a time flying by.

I had my check-up with my consultant who seemed happy that my lining was thick enough to indicate that a period would be any day. My hormone levels were as would be expected too, nothing there that shouldn’t be. She was, of course, right. My period arrived in a timely fashion, just in time for our next review appointment at the IVF clinic. We had last walked out of there in early March, grasping a report that had told us our baby had miscarried. Five months later, we were walking back in eager to hear how we might push forward in our pursuit to become parents again.

I wasn’t sure now how I felt about those photos of smiling babies that adorned the walls of the waiting areas and stairwell. At first, I had found them so hopeful but they had started to become a symbol of everything we had yet to achieve.

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