Widows and their families by Peter Marris

Author:Peter Marris [Marris, Peter]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781138861893
Barnesnoble:
Publisher: Taylor & Francis
Published: 2014-12-23T00:00:00+00:00

* any change in frequency of regular contact—as, twice weekly to once weekly, or three times a year to monthly—between a maximum of daily and a minimum of less than once a year.

† The total here is one less than in table IX as one had died since widowhood.

Many of these changes were quite small, from twice to once a week, or once a month to once in two or three. One woman, for instance, used to spend part of every Saturday and Sunday regularly with her mother-in-law. She still went to see her every Sunday, but on Saturdays only occasionally ‘if I get through my shopping early’. Since Saturday was the day on which her husband’s brother always visited his mother, she now only saw him if she happened to make one of her infrequent calls on a Saturday afternoon. Before, she had met him at his mother’s every Saturday. Before their husband’s death 15 of the widows had seen their mothers-in-law every week, while at the time of interview only 10 did so. Twenty-nine met at least one of their husband’s brothers or sisters weekly in his lifetime, but now only 17. The greatest change was in the number not seen at all. Many of those who had kept in touch with their husband’s brothers and sisters through a Christmas party or annual outing, no longer bothered to maintain the relationship. Thus the proportion not seen from one year’s end to another rose from 30% to 67%.

Altogether, 41 of the widows met either their husband’s parents, or his brothers or sisters less often after his death. The trend within each family is remarkably consistent: in only one instance did the widow see less of one member but more of another. Especially, those with the closest ties to their own family were most inclined to attenuate their ties with their husband’s relatives. 78% of the widows who met their own mother every day, saw less of their husband’s parents, or of one of his brothers or sisters; and 71% of those who met one of their own brothers or sisters every week. But amongst those whose meetings with their mother or siblings was less frequent, the proportions are only 49% and 44% respectively.

The widows saw less of their husband’s family partly because they now had little left in common, and partly because the widow herself was too busy, working and looking after her children, to have much time for visiting. One mother, for instance, with two small sons and a full-time job, saw less of her mother-in-law because ‘she’s infirm and can’t get about, so it’s up to me. But I’ve only got Sundays, and then sometimes I don’t feel like going’. Most of the widows remained on friendly terms with their relations-in-law, and felt they owed them the courtesy of at least an occasional visit, but some parted in bitterness.

If the families joined by marriage were on bad terms before, their uneasy association may break down in mutual recrimination when the husband dies.

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