The secret of staying in love : loving relationships through communication by Powell John Joseph 1925-

Author:Powell, John Joseph, 1925-
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Love, Communication
Publisher: Allen, Tex. : Thomas More
Published: 1974-10-25T16:00:00+00:00

me as a phony. But this was not enough. A gush of white-hot anger had arisen in me, and I pressed on for a definition. Finally one of the students said, "I guess being a phony means that you don't practice what you preach."

Have anticipated such a definition, I immediately pleaded guilty. I knew that I was on safe ground, being able to point out that no one really lives up to ideals or translates intentions perfectly into action. Then I pointed out a second meaning oi phony, namely, that people do not practice what they preach because they do not even believe what they preach. To this charge I solemnly pleaded innocent. The bloodletting completed with surgical precision, I dismissed my victims. Of course, I realized immediately that I had been very angry and that I had been unfair because of my anger.

This is the critical moment. The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing. In the aftermath of an encounter such as I have just described, there are two options. One can go off in a huff, ranting and raving about others, or one can look inward to find the reason for the emotions that were triggered. This is the essential difierence between a growing and a nongrowing person, between authenticity and self-deception. On this one occasion, at least, I chose to be growing and authentic. I looked within myself, and listened carefiilly to the anger which was gradually subsiding, and I found that it grew out of a deep-seated fear in me that maybe I am a phony, even in the second sense. I could react mildly in the face of an accusation that I am a sadist, a bully, or a megalomaniac, but the accusation of being a phony touches an exposed nerve ending in me. Sometimes I am afraid that I talk a much better game than I am able to live, with the subsequent fear that maybe I don't fully believe all that I preach. I even located some examples to substantiate this. (P.S. I did apologize to the students. I admitted to them the

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