The Stonemason's Tale by Ann Swinfen

Author:Ann Swinfen [Swinfen, Ann]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Shakenoak Press
Published: 2018-07-02T06:00:00+00:00

I slept badly that night. Margaret had spoken truly. I had been living these last months from day to day, heedless of the future. Whenever thoughts of what lay ahead ambushed me unexpectedly, I had pushed them away. Matters could not go on for ever unresolved, yet the only resolution I could foresee was separation from Emma. Her grandfather had shown great forbearance in allowing her to stay on in Oxford with her aunt, recovering from a year’s unhappiness, after being forced into her noviciate at Godstow Abbey. I suspected she had not told him that she was working for me as a scrivener. Even had she done so, I was certain that he would regard it merely as play, just as I had said to Margaret.

Was that how Emma herself saw it? I could not think so. I knew she found great joy and pride in her work, as much as any man would do. And when I had given her the desk, carefully fitted out with all that a professional scrivener and illuminator could need, she had embraced and kissed me. I could feel her arms about me still.

I threw myself over in bed. The covers were tangled and I kicked them aside impatiently.

Could I declare myself to Emma? Did I even understand my own feelings for her? To admit that I loved her would seem like a betrayal of Elizabeth, but perhaps Meg was right. Elizabeth had been a loving and generous soul. Perhaps she would forgive me. And what of the children? Their lives followed a safe and steady course now, for my sister was all but a mother to them. Could Emma take her place? And then, what of Meg? She seemed to be urging me to press my suit with Sir Anthony, but where would that leave her, were the impossible to happen, and Emma and I were to wed?

Nay, it was surely impossible.

Sometime in the early hours I finally fell asleep.

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