The Penguin Book of Modern Indian Short Stories by Stephen Alter & Wimal Dissanayake

Author:Stephen Alter & Wimal Dissanayake
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
ISBN: 9789351183334
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2013-09-16T04:00:00+00:00

XXIX

You have asked me how it was that I always met ‘the good’ and whether I had, in this world, never had occasion to deal with the wicked. In fact, when you asked me the question I became aware of this for the first time. I had thought that everyone was like oneself. (Don’t we consider ourselves ‘good’?) Perhaps the circumstances in which I was brought up, the people with whom I came into contact must have been on the whole just like me. Envious, quarrelsome people have never been my portion. There were no brothers or sisters in the house. I grew up happily alone. Those around me gave me their affection; I received it. All this just came about. But I still believe that I am what I am—thus, not because of this. What we term happiness in the usual sense does not always make men happy. (You might say: What’s new in this? Haven’t the saints been saying the same thing all along?) But as there is a joy beyond suffering, so too there is a joy beyond joy itself. The joy that lies beyond joy holds within itself both joy and suffering. Kunti asked of Krishna: Let adversity be with us always. For in adverse times Krishna was bound to be remembered. But I would say that this is not true. If Krishna is to be remembered, then he must be remembered naturally and intensely even in the most ecstatic moment of joy. Anyone can turn to him in adversity. That I am able to find the company of the good is partly through my good fortune, and partly through the makeup of my mind. I never reject anything and what I finally accept, I make my own. Good, wicked: we are so ourselves.

As a child, on one particular day I was terribly obstinate. Now I can’t even recollect what it was all about. Even Appa, who never loses his temper, was extremely angry. Rajamma, Venkappa were all frightened. And all of a sudden it struck me this was all on account of me. I calmed down immediately—not because Appa would have hit me; had he hit me, I might have flared up even more. Since that day I have never been angry, never been obstinate. This could perhaps tell you something.

Of course I have not yet met a scoundrel, a thug, or an inherently wicked person. I am as eager as you are to see what happens when I do meet one. But does this mean my life has been meaningless? All our efforts are designed to make the world a place of the good. Isn’t that what we believe in? It’s like calling a play or a novel worthless because there is no villain in it. If conflicts rise only out of the struggle between good and evil and if this is to continue forever, then history will have nothing more to do than changing names. Novels and plays will have a still easier task.

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