The Optimist's Guide to Divorce by Suzanne Riss

Author:Suzanne Riss
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company
Published: 2016-04-04T04:00:00+00:00

Next Time: Meghan learned that she wants to work on her relationship with herself. “If I don’t value myself and treat myself like a prize worth winning, nobody else will,” Meghan says. “I need a partner who gives as much as I do and meets me halfway.”

Suzanne jumps into relationships too quickly

In love with love, Suzanne almost always had a boyfriend ever since junior high. She dreamed of love that would last, like her parents had. Suzanne’s parents met in college, were best friends, and later professional colleagues, like two peas in a pod. Both psychologists, they had their offices on the first floor of their home so that they could see each other during the day, have lunch together, and catch up during breaks. They were so close that after almost fifty years of marriage, it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Suzanne marveled that they still held hands when they walked anywhere together.

It wasn’t until her divorce that Suzanne looked for patterns in her behavior and choices to try to understand why her marriage and other relationships had ended. What Suzanne saw was that she tended to fall in love quickly, before she really got to know a man. In her excitement over a new relationship, she would rush into it, leaping before she looked into the arms of a starving artist, then a struggling actor, and a would-be wordsmith. It would go something like this: She would meet a man, hit it off, and they would become instantly inseparable. They both would feel like they had known each other for years and were happier than ever before; each new man would become the center of Suzanne’s universe.

Suzanne didn’t realize that she was often filling in the blanks, projecting qualities onto the men she dated that may not have been theirs. This certainly was true in Suzanne’s marriage, where she was swept off her feet and ready to spend her life with a man before she knew whether they wanted the same things or were truly compatible.

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