The Lamentations of Julius Marantz by Marc Estrin

Author:Marc Estrin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Unbridled Books
Published: 2007-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

À La Recherche d’une Femme Perdue

DALETH

On the Danger of Seeking Out Old Lovers

What if they don’t remember you? Worse, what if you don’t remember them? What if you place them in the wrong time, the wrong school, the wrong job, the wrong town? What if you show such disrespect as to have forgotten the strangling of their mother, or their life-changing auto accident of twenty-five years ago?

Memory, of course, becomes fragile as we get to Julius’s age. But some memories must be retained—or something is morally suspect. What if you recall that you broke up gently, while the other has thought of you for decades as a despicable fiend? These are things that should not be forgotten. Forget them, and you are a bad person. Remember that you’ve forgotten them, and you know you are contemptible.

And then, if they ever did, it’s likely that they don’t love you anymore, that they have taken up with others, have made passionate love, have spawned common children. And where were you? Gone. Done. They went on, didn’t need you anymore, and left. Or worse, it was you who walked out—and boy, do you owe them!

And what if they’ve become ugly, ancient-looking, dumpy? Where is the radiant young face once loved? Somewhere under all that poundage, buried in the bags and wrinkles, suffocated, effaced? What a spectacle! And what if you look equally repellant to them?

Why do we undertake these dangerous expeditions? Gone is gone, done is done, let it go. Let them become the photo in the scrapbook.

We seek them out because they make us remember who we were, and thus, perhaps, who we are. We seek them out because we are humanly curious about how they have gone on. Perhaps they may become new friends.

If the seeker happens to be Julius Marantz, number one on the Central Intelligence Corporation hit list, he may be seeking help.

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