That White Girl by JLove

Author:JLove
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2007-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

It was Friday. Today, instead of Jamal picking me up, it would be Juan and Rodney, who had just gotten the sweetest ride. As soon as the bell rang, I bounced, heading to the side entrance of the school. Once outside, I slid on my sunglasses and looked around. I heard a honk, turned, and saw Juan waving me over. As soon as I opened the car door smoke swirled out. I sat in the back. Rodney handed me a joint, and started driving.

“Yo, pass that joint, homie,” Juan said.

I took the joint from my lips and passed it up front as the smoke curled out of my mouth. I immediately felt the hit. I sat back and started thinking. After my breakup with Jamal, I lost complete trust in guys, and myself. I was dating all the time, looking for that spark, looking for that love. I still hung out with Omar, but it was hard because he was in and out of jail, and I couldn’t bring him to the house or even acknowledge our relationship to my family. Both Carmen and Keisha started expressing concern about the choices I was making in guys, but I felt completely unable to stop myself.

We had gone back to a routine at my house. TJ had finally left for Boulder, promising to try to enroll in college when he could. I was gliding through my senior year, just maintaining. I felt old.

“This is some good shit, Juan,” I said. The weed added to weariness from being out late with Juan bombing the night before. He just nodded, and started throwing up Crips signs to the music. I could tell he was in a zone. His fingers moved in an intricate dance of symbols, creating a language only the Crips knew. Juan got respect even from the O.G.s in the Rollin’ 60s on his ability to throw signs faster than any other crew member, and on top of that he had the illest Crip walk. Watching his fingers move from the backseat I could read what was on his mind. I remembered when signs were foreign to me, and Juan would spend hours explaining to me what it all meant. A whole world opened up as I learned how to communicate silently, and although I never came close to Juan’s skills, at least now I was able to hold my own. That seemed so long ago, now.

Juan interrupted my thoughts. “Before I forget, Omar wants you to come to the party tonight.” My stomach tingled upon hearing that Omar was asking for me. When I had gotten back with Jamal, I stopped going by Omar’s place. And then after the breakup I was just so depressed, I didn’t want to see anybody. He had tried to call me from a pay phone a couple of times, but I was rarely home, so he just left short messages, asking me to drop by. I realized now how much I missed him.

Lounging in the backseat, I gazed out of the window at the usual scene in the hood by my school.

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