Tell Them to Get Lost by Brian Thacker

Author:Brian Thacker
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: TRAVEL/HUMOUR
Publisher: Penguin Random House Australia
Published: 2011-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

In the morning, I headed to the airport. Not because I was catching a plane anywhere, but because I was picking up Beth. I was really excited about seeing her again. My marriage had fallen apart and it felt wonderful to have a connection with someone again. And Beth was up for an adventure, even though I had warned her that we would be traipsing around cities trying to find hotels and restaurants that may or may not exist anymore. She seemed okay with that – although I hadn’t mentioned the possibility of stained sheets or toilets covered in ants.

Beth was easy to spot in the throng walking out of the departure gate with her long blonde hair, big blue eyes and a backpack that was bigger than her. We were both quite nervous as we hugged and made our way to the taxi rank. Not only was this the beginning of a travel adventure together, but we both were already sensing that this was the beginning of something a lot bigger.

I took Beth to a new hotel (or an old hotel, you could say). I chose the Tai Ichi Hotel, in the Not Quite So Cheap Hotels street of Jalan Bukit Bintang, which had air conditioning and a private bathroom, hopefully without wee all over the floor. Mr Wong at the Coliseum told me that the Tai Ichi Hotel was still there, but when our taxi driver dropped Beth and me off at the address, all we could see was a large, brightly lit Subway® sign. I was about to storm off when I saw Tai Ichi Hotel in small black type near the restaurant entrance. Subway® now took up the ground floor of the hotel. ‘I’ll have a double room and a Chicken and Bacon Ranch Sub,’ I said to the girl in the tiny reception area that was tucked away behind the dining section.

Our room was small, but nice enough – although it did smell like a Meatball Sub. What a romantic way to start our time together. ‘At least for room service we can get a Seafood Sensation Sub,’ I said to Beth as we unpacked our bags.

We headed out in the rain to check out Petronas Towers, the pinnacle of ‘skyscrapered’ Kuala Lumpur and the formerly highest building in the world. It wasn’t the perfect introduction to Malaysia for Beth: we had to queue for ages to get tickets for the Skywalk that linked the two towers and when we finally got up there, it was raining so hard we couldn’t see much, anyway. Then we wandered around the massive shopping mall underneath, which could have been the Mall of America, and most of that wandering was because I was looking for a toilet. All the toilets we found had a two-dollar entrance fee, and there was no way I was paying that – not when you could get an airline ticket for that price. So, in the spirit of being a tight-arse backpacker on

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