Tales from the Secret Footballer by Anon Anon

Author:Anon, Anon [Anon, Anon]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, mobi
ISBN: 9781783350094
Publisher: Guardian Faber Publishing
Published: 2013-11-05T05:00:00+00:00

COULD I BE A COACH?

You know what puts me off coaching? Players like me – players who can’t really be coached how to play, only what formation to play in and where to stand for set pieces. One of my former coaches made the fatal mistake of telling me that he didn’t want to coach me because he loved the way I played and didn’t want to change it. I took that as a huge compliment, whether it was meant that way or not, and began thinking that I was the finished article. The truth is, you never really stop learning; you only ever stop wanting to learn.

But that mindset hasn’t stopped a couple of managers and owners asking me to come in and take up a coaching position. There is a bit of “jobs for the boys” about it, but that’s how much of this game works, I’m afraid. And it never hurts to gain your coaching badges because opportunities don’t stop presenting themselves and one day you might wake up a changed man and ready for the challenge. It’s also very handy that the badges are heavily subsidised for footballers by the PFA. So I threw caution to the wind and took the plunge.

Choosing the place to do your Uefa coaching badges is really quite a free process. Anybody can take the course anywhere they like, providing they can put the hours in. The actual tuition takes place either at your club over the season or as a fast-track eight-day course, accompanied by a huge questionnaire asking you how you would set up your team in certain situations and what you would do to counter a team that was attacking you in a certain formation. Everybody I know copies the answers (even though there are no right or wrong responses) from the coach at the club who is trained to give the course. I have yet to meet a player who has done anything for himself from start to finish.

Years ago everybody wanted to take the badges in Ireland because it was an almighty piss-up, but as football has adopted a more serious approach that has changed. Now there are ex-players and players alike attending FA-led courses all over Britain, depending on where they’re from or where they want to coach.

There are pros and cons to taking your badges in Wales or Scotland, just as there are for Northern Ireland and England, and because each nation’s course is led by its FA, the way a person is coached varies according to the local football philosophy.

Most players I know choose to take the course in England because for some reason its FA is seen as more reputable, but there is a right place to take the course and a wrong place. One local supremo hates footballers, is bitter about having never been a footballer, and fails every footballer who takes it on the smallest of technicalities – basically if they don’t agree with his approach. He would fail Mourinho given the chance, the idiot.

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