THE COOK, THE RAT AND THE HERETIC: by HUGO SOSKIN

Author:HUGO SOSKIN
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Summersdale
Published: 2011-09-20T00:00:00+00:00

MAYBE GRAILS ARE US, AFTER ALL

Over the following couple of days Rosy was in her element. She was skulking around in the undergrowth following everything Chris II and Bertrand were doing then hurrying back to report to me. The way I looked at it, whatever the two of them were up to it was keeping them and Rosy out of my hair, which meant I could get on with my work without being hassled by lunatics.

We had finished our breakfasts and toddled off to start on our day’s labours. I was slightly surprised to see Charlie’s van still in the car park at ten o’clock: he was usually well on the road by this time. I guessed that he must have ended up hammered last night and had awarded himself a day off to recuperate. I shrugged my shoulders, dismissed him from my thoughts and returned to my travails.

I had become quite adept at keeping half an eye on the car park, checking if new campers were arriving and booking in.

Bertrand’s silver Renault pulled up and, again, Chris II was there to greet him. Charlie strolled across towards his van: maybe he was going out, after all? He greeted Bertrand and Chris II, stopped and had a quick chat with them and seemed to pass Chris II something. After a couple of minutes chatting he shook Bertrand by the hand, patted Chris II amicably on the back then clambered aboard his van and trundled off. Chris II and Bertrand watched him drive away then, grabbing Bertrand’s briefcase and some papers from his car, they hurried excitedly over to the restaurant terrace, spread themselves across a table and spent the rest of the morning poring over a map, drawing lines and squiggles and who knew what all over it. Rosy, as nonchalantly and inconspicuously as she was able, kept walking past them, trying to keep an eye on their goings-on.

She came into the kitchen to give me her latest update.‘You’ll never guess what they’re doing,’ she trilled at me.

I winced. She was probably right. ‘

What’s that then, Rosy?’ I asked, slightly reluctantly. ‘

They’re talking about making a film of themselves finding the Holy Grail. I heard them.’

‘I tell you what, Rosy,’ I laughed, ‘in the immortal words of Mrs Mia Wallace, that would be “an exercise in futility”.’ She didn’t understand what I was talking about but there was nothing new there. I ushered her out of the kitchen telling her to keep up the good work and returned to my lumps of dead animal.

‘So, my little spy-master,’ Chris laughed as he walked into the kitchen, ‘what wonderful information did the naked secret agent have to impart this time?’

I relayed the information. ‘

Well that should be the world’s most boring, pointless and useless film,’ he guffawed. ‘D’you think they’ll have the common decency to ask my permission to film here?’

I grinned at him. ‘I wouldn’t hold your breath, mate.’ ‘

Morning M,’ Jan sniggered at me as she came in with her veg of the day.

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