Success Stories from the Heart by Gary Seidler

Author:Gary Seidler
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Health Communications Inc
Published: 2018-03-11T16:00:00+00:00

STRIVING FOR BALANCE IN AN UNBALANCED WORLD

“I have learned that success is to be measured

not so much by the position that one has reached

in life as by the obstacles which he has had to

overcome while trying to succeed.”

—Booker T. Washington

IMAGINE LIVING WITHOUT YOUR CONSCIENCE, sense of judgment, or awareness—never knowing where your reckless behavior will take you. Then suddenly, everything in your world is reversed. You’ve landed into a deep, dark pit; clawing at the sides in hope of finding some light, to feel a glimpse of normalcy.

That’s exactly how I felt nearly forty years ago when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

My family and I were taken by surprise. At sixteen, I abruptly lost all interest in hanging out with my friends and my behavior did not resemble the Kristin I once was. This was a glaring red flag! At school I felt invisible, like an outsider. I dreaded the minutes that dragged on between classes, and I hid away in a library cubicle during lunch. I was imprisoned by the dark cloud of depression, but I didn’t know that at the time; how could I?

I trudged straight home after school and would occasionally try to fill the void by eating close to a half quart of ice cream right out of the carton. Self-loathing would follow the last spoonful. Feeling scared and hopeless became my normal. I snuck away from family and napped in my room just to escape the pain.

I finally confessed to my mom that I wanted to end my life to escape the relentless pain. Out of desperation, she took me to a social worker who accused me of being willfully reckless and my mom of meddling! Her ineptitude delayed my diagnosis for six more months.

After a few months of life in the dark pit, I transformed into an out-of-control, reckless, invincible teenager with no insight or judgment. Consequences for my actions? I never even gave that a second thought; I felt bulletproof. I lived a double life; lying to my parents was as easy as breathing.

Months later, a family friend who was a mental health professional recommended psychological testing, and after receiving the results I was immediately referred to a psychiatrist. She took my family history, watched my behaviors, asked the right questions, listened intently, and diagnosed me with manic depressive illness. At that point, diagnosing me with bipolar disorder was pretty straightforward because I had the classic symptoms and it also ran in my family. She shared with my mom that I was very close to having a psychotic break from reality.

I was so relieved to learn that I had a treatable medical condition! The diagnosis finally explained my erratic behavior, and those three crucial words gave me hope for relief from my torment! Shortly after I started medication, I felt like God had placed his hand on my shoulder and told me to have peace. I transformed back to the Kristin that I had been prior to being engulfed by the dark cloud.

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