Space Team: The Collected Adventures: Volume 1 - Funny Sci Fi Space Action Adventure by Barry J. Hutchison

Author:Barry J. Hutchison [Hutchison, Barry J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Zertex Media
Published: 2017-02-23T13:30:00+00:00

Fifteen

Back on Earth, Cal had spent quite a lot of time running. He’d run from girlfriends. He’d run from their husbands. He’d run from the police, from criminals who took their careers far more seriously than he did and, on one particularly memorable afternoon in 1996, from the singer, Ozzy Osbourne.

Even then, despite all that practice, and despite the metal boots he currently wore on both feet, he’d never run as fast as he was running now. He tore across the sand, powering towards the gaping mouth of the worm. Behind him, Vajazzle gave chase. She ran backwards, her body twisted awkwardly as her knees tried to bend themselves the wrong way. Things writhed and wriggled beneath her robe, while her two visible tentacles snapped and whip-cracked the air.

Back by the Shatner, Loren and Miz launched into sprints of their own, chasing Vajazzle down. “No, stay back!” Cal cried. “Get Mech into the ship! I’ve got this!”

The worm’s mouth loomed dead ahead. In the darkness of its throat, Cal could just make out something moving. Something large.

“You want your key, Vajazzle? Be my guest!” he yelped. He tossed the bag so it landed just a few feet away from the worm’s mouth, then dived sideways out of the assassin’s path. She sprawled onwards, her limbs impossibly bent, the frail fingers of her human-like hands grabbing for the bag.

From inside the worm, there came something that sounded partly like a scream and partly like a violent rectal prolapse. A shiny blob the size of a school bus erupted from the worm’s throat in a river of stinking green mucus, and immediately began to wail.

Vajazzle tried to stop, but the newly-born worm slid towards her like an out-of-control juggernaut. There was a pained hiss from the assassin and a damp flomp from the worm as the two met, then Vajazzle vanished beneath the creature’s undoubtedly immense weight.

“Whoa,” said Cal, watching the worm slide to a stop in the sand. “That had to hurt.”

“It’s a little ‘un,” cried Kash, hurrying over. “Lawks alive, it’s a little ‘un! So that’s why she weren’t eatin’ nothin’! She were up the duff!”

The shizzfarmer hopped and danced around, laughing and whooping and clapping his hands. “Oh, what a beauty! What a little beauty you is!”

“Wait, so if that’s a baby,” said Cal, eyeing the bigger worm’s mouth suspiciously, “are you sure I went in the right end? That’s definitely the mouth, right?”

“Of course! Where else would it bleedin’ well come out?” asked Kash.

Cal blinked. He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

Loren, Miz and Mech joined them. “Great. So how are we supposed to get the key?” asked Miz.

Cal reached into one of his boots and pulled out a flat piece of metal with a series of square holes and notches cut into it. “What, this key?” he asked, grinning. “Swapped it when I pretended to fall over earlier. Vajazzle just got flattened for a bag with a bit of half-melted space suit inside.”

He tossed Mizette the key. She caught it, turned it over in her hands, then smiled.

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