Scrubbed by Renee DC & Worlds KB

Author:Renee, DC & Worlds, KB
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: KB Worlds LLC
Published: 2021-02-11T00:00:00+00:00

Noah

“THIRD ROUND,” HADLEY said as she walked in or rather, barged in—she did nothing half-assed—before giving me a quick peck on the lips. I’d been momentarily dazed at the swift contact and the loss of her lips to understand her words.

Two weeks. That was how long it had been since our first date, and although we’d gone on several more since then, we were still friends underneath it all. Just like the way we’d started, with her barreling past my defenses and making her way into my life to the point I didn’t want her out of it.

Right now, she was being my friend, but every minute with her, I wanted more and more. Which was exactly when the guilt set in.

So far, all we had done was kiss. It wasn’t as simple as it sounded. Nothing with Hadley was “simple.” She threw her whole self into everything. She was an open book, allowing you in while giving everything away. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. Kissing her was the same. They were all-consuming, filled with longing and desire—from both our ends. But she didn’t go further, and neither did I. I knew that was on me. I knew she was letting me lead because of my past and my hesitations. I appreciated that more than you could know. Just another reason Hadley was fucking perfect. And another layer of guilt to add to my ever-growing list.

Despite all the encouragement, all the signs, and even my own desire, it was impossible to shed the heaviness that was weighing me down that quickly. Even though I believed, deep down, that Tracy wanted me to be happy and move on, it was still hard to let go of the feelings of failure and the lack of deservingness. I couldn’t bring myself to take that next step, something so intimate, something that I’d last shared with my wife. It felt like a betrayal, even if I knew logically it wasn’t. It felt like cheating even though it was far from it. It felt as though I was throwing away her love even though I knew I’d never let it go. These were the feelings I’d lived with for the past two years, and I couldn’t just get over them in two weeks.

It didn’t stop me from wanting to.

Wanting and doing were not the same.

And I was trying the “doing” part, but clearly, I was failing at that too. Hadley didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve a man who couldn’t give her his all. Yet, she was still here, and I was still selfishly keeping her. I wasn’t letting go because, for the first time, I didn’t want to be the man I was for the past two years. For the first time, I realized I had been a shell, and now that I had a glimpse of what life was like, I wanted to live it.

“Noah, you’re staring at my lips,” she said, calling me out. During my thought process, my body’s natural reaction was to crave more of her, if only just her lips.

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