Scratching the Horizon by Izzy Paskowitz

Author:Izzy Paskowitz
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

8

Danielle

I’m afraid I didn’t make a good first impression on my wife, Danielle. In fact, it’s a wonder she ever wanted to see me again. First time we met, I saw her across the room at a party, and she struck me straight off as just about the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen: animal, vegetable, mineral … whatever, she had ’em all beat. She was absolutely breathtaking. Tall, blond, with great tits and a sweet, sweet smile.

I didn’t think I had a chance with her, but I knew I had to find a way to talk to her, to at least give it a shot. Don’t think I would have ever forgiven myself if I didn’t make some sort of move, but the “breathtaking” part was turning out to be a problem. Why? Because I ended up taking her breath away, too—only not in a good way. In my stupid defense, I’d been working on my car all day—a ’65 Impala—so there was grease in my hair, on my clothes, under my fingernails. I looked like shit, felt like shit. Wasn’t really in the mood to go to this party in the first place, but it was a party for this girl who used to go out with my brother Jonathan, who happened to be pregnant with his baby, although she hadn’t really acknowledged that it was his at the time. Everybody knew, in a kind of, sort of way, but it was one of those things that weren’t really discussed.

Anyway, when I got there, I was greasy and tired and wanting to be someplace else. I went to the party basically to support Jonathan, even though it wasn’t clear to any of us at that point what his involvement would be with this baby, or if it was even his. Don’t mean to go all soap opera on you or lay on too much information, but I want to set the scene. Plus, I’d had a few beers, and eaten a bunch of junk food, and my stomach started acting up in a big-time way. It got so bad I had to take a major, major dump—in a tiny little apartment, with no ventilation—but I was so not into being there I just didn’t care. I didn’t really know anybody at the party, wasn’t looking to meet anybody, so I dropped a big-time load and stunk up the place like you wouldn’t believe, and then to make matters worse as I was coming out of the bathroom there was Danielle, waiting with her knockout friend Terri, next in line.

I was so thoroughly and totally embarrassed I could have shit, all over again. It was bad enough just seeing Danielle as I came out the door, but then to have these two gorgeous creatures slip inside together to inhale my shame … well, it was like someone had taken my thorough and total embarrassment and put it on a billboard.

It was probably one of the ten lowest moments of

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