Once Upon a Cruise by Anna Staniszewski

Author:Anna Staniszewski
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
Published: 2016-08-15T04:00:00+00:00

Oh good, our judge is here!” Aussie Andy says when I arrive at the pool at noon dressed as Briar Rose, my wig itching as if it’s full of fire ants in the humidity. “Where’s Katy?” he whispers to me so the dozens of little kids nearby can’t hear.

“She, uh, wasn’t feeling that great,” I say. Gah. I hate that I have to lie, but I can’t exactly say that she’s at the gym trying to woo Smith with her bicep curls!

“Well, I’m glad you could join us.”

I sit down in the judge’s chair and shove my enormous dress down around me while practicing my big, theatrical wave and hoping I don’t sweat to death before the contest is over.

Aussie Andy turns back to the crowd and says into the mic, “Who’s ready for the Belly Flop Like an Ogre Competition?”

Wait. The what?

“I thought this was a cannonball contest,” I say.

Aussie Andy just laughs and tells the contestants to get into position. How am I supposed to judge how an ogre would flop into a pool? Can ogres even swim?

But the kids are all looking at me eagerly, so I paste my standard “everything is awesome” smile on my face and say in what I hope is a princess voice, “I look forward to seeing what you ogres have in store for me!”

A few of the kids roar back at me, and I can’t help laughing. Maybe this is going to be more fun than I thought.

Aussie Andy hands me some cards that are numbered one through five and whispers, “Go easy on ’em.” The kids line up, and when Aussie Andy gives them the go-ahead, they start flopping into the pool one by one.

The first boy starts to flop but winds up doing a half cannonball instead. I realize that all eyes are suddenly on me. Oh, right. I’m supposed to actually judge.

I think for a second and then hold up a three. The crowd boos. Huh. I guess when Aussie Andy said to go easy on the kids, he meant really easy.

Up next is a boy who must be a professional diver because he does the most graceful swan dive off the diving board that I’ve ever seen. I want to give him a five because he’s so good, but since there was absolutely nothing ogre-ish about his dive, I give it a four. The crowd boos again. Wow, I really can’t get this right.

A few belly floppers later, the crowd officially hates me. I’ve given pretty much everyone a four because I’m afraid to give higher or lower scores.

“This is boring!” someone yells.

Finally, a girl gets up on the diving board. She looks a lot older than the other contestants, and I actually wonder if she might be my age. No one seems to care, though, because she’s putting on a great show. She’s totally in character, scratching her armpits like a monkey and grunting. Then she hurls herself off the board and hits the water with a deafening smack.

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