Old Buddy, Old Pal by Michael Laser
Author:Michael Laser
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781504023238
Publisher: The Permanent Press (ORD)
6.
Lori has pouches under her eyes, looks pallid, ill. Walking helps, I think: clean, cool air washes some of the pain away. Better, at least, than sitting in one place and letting it bury her.
âI canât believe I was such a coward. It took a month for me to say something.â
âItâs a hard thing to do.â
Bright yellow leaves on the ground, and some wine-red ones. The path hugs a vertical outcropping of Manhattan schist; canât see a single building.
âHe wasnât even trying to hide it any more. He came in late every night and went straight to the shower.â
Her face and shoulders twitch.
âIf youâre cold, you can wear my jacket.â
Shakes her head. âHe couldnât even look at me.â
âWhat did you say to him, exactly?â
Frowns. âI canât remember.â
Unconvincing, but let it go.
I canât tell which way is Fifth Avenue and which way the West Side. I always get lost in this part of the park. Just keep walking, weâll end up somewhere eventually.
âThis morning, I wished so hard it was all a dream, for a second I forgot it wasnât.â
âWhat did he say when you brought up the subject?â
âHe started crying.â
And now her face twists up, prologue to tears.
White sky above. A muzzled German shepherd sniffs the path, tugging a woman in a trenchcoat. I canât say, Itâll be all right, because it wonât.
A star-shaped leaf drifts down, deep blotched red, as if someone scraped away the green to expose the blood below. She says, âYou know how sometimes you wish you could take back something you said, just erase it?â
âUh-huh. What did you say?â
âI donât think I want to tell you.â
âYou donât have to. Only if you want to.â
âHe was putting his clothes in his suitcase. I went in and asked â¦â
Donât prod her.
âI asked why he wasnât satisfied with me.â Our shoes loud on the pebbles and damp leaves. âIt sounds so pathetic.â
Sheâs right, it doesâin exactly the same way that I was pathetic when I invited Suzanne to sleep with me. We both have known humiliation.
âDid he answer you?â
âHe kept saying the last thing in the world he wanted was to hurt me, ever. He said this had nothing to do with me. The sad thing is, Iâm so desperate, there have been split-seconds when I let myself believe him.â
Unnecessary to ask how she coped after his exit. Assume she cried.
âDid you sleep at all?â
âYes. I took something, around three oâclock.â
I didnât think she had this much candor in her.
A little bird, all black and white streaks, flits around on a thick tree-trunk. I point and she follows my finger. A relief to watch something outside ourselves, something small and interesting and involved in its own business.
âI wish I were a tree,â she says, âand didnât have to think.â
âHm.â
âItâs so foolish to build your whole life around one person. Such a mistake.â
Careful here, donât overdo my little speech, donât embarrass her. âLori? I know I canât make everything right again, but I just want you to know, any time you feel lonely or depressed you can call me and Iâll come right over.
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