Not Not Normal by Peter Fenton

Author:Peter Fenton
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: James Lorimer and Company Ltd., Publishers
Published: 2024-08-22T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 16:

Not Not Normal

“I’m sorry I caused so much trouble,” Nathan said as they walked. “I never meant to. I just . . . I can’t stand bullies. Why can’t people just treat everyone nicely? Just because someone’s different doesn’t mean they should be treated like crap.”

Before Jordan could stop himself, he said, “What do you mean by different?”

“Well,” Nathan said, “I’m gay and you’re kind of nervous and always organizing things —”

“You mean I’m a freak.”

“No, I said different, and different isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” Nathan said.

Jordan started to feel anxious. His heart began to race. He was having trouble breathing again as his thoughts started to swirl.

No!

“I gotta go,” Jordan said. He began to run, crossing the street with his head down. He heard the squeal of brakes and a loud horn as a car came to an abrupt stop, nearly hitting him. Jordan looked up, froze for a moment, then ran into a park on the other side of the road. He had no idea where he was going. He just knew he had to run. Run from everything. He finally slowed down, and then stopped.

He heard footsteps approaching from behind and felt a hand tug on his shoulder. He gasped.

“Hey, it’s just me,” Nathan said as he turned him around.

Jordan tried to calm himself, but instead of finding things to focus on that would put him in the present moment, all he could think of was all of the trouble Nathan had caused over the last few weeks: taking over his sign-up table; the book display falling; trying to take over his book club; sitting with him at lunch — messy Nathan; the fight; the food all over his best t-shirt that was so clean that morning. Jordan started to shut down. He did the one thing he didn’t want to do in front of Nathan: he started to cry.

“Hey. Hey. It’s okay. You’re okay now. You’re safe.”

Jordan heard Nathan’s voice and felt a hand gently rubbing his back; like his mother used to do when he was upset; like his father had done the other day.

“Come here.” Nathan led Jordan to a park bench, under a large oak tree. The bench faced away from the pathway, looking onto a small rose garden. Jordan was so exhausted he had no energy to resist. Nathan helped him take off his bookbag and then sat down beside him, continuing to gently rub Jordan’s back in slow circles. He began to calm down. His sobbing stopped. His breathing slowed. Jordan felt the heavy weight just below his rib cage gradually start to disappear.

Nathan looked at him. There was no judgment in his eyes, only concern.

“I’ll stay with you until you feel better,” Nathan said, “then I’ll walk you home if that’s where you want to go. I just need to know you’ll be okay.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. I don’t think I can.”

“Why?”

“Because . . . because I’m not normal.”

Nathan said, “You’re not not normal. You’re unique, special, you’re .

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