Lightspeed Magazine, Issue 124 (September 2020) by John Joseph Adams

Author:John Joseph Adams [John Joseph Adams]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: John Joseph Adams
Published: 2020-08-28T15:59:18+00:00

The Republic of Kvevch

If you’re planning to visit Kvevch, be aware that entry to the country is strictly monitored by The Kvevch Commission of Travel and Foreign Relations, and requires a visa application three months prior to departure as well as a Declaration of Intent. The visa, while an annoyance, is an easily overcome formality. The Declaration, however, must be ordered in advance either by navigating the labyrinth of links provided at the country’s outdated website, or by sending a letter requesting a Declaration of Intent Form directly from the Commission itself (allow eight to twelve weeks for delivery). Make sure to stipulate in your letter your request for the fifteen-page document rather than the eight-page form (reserved for travelers with shared borders to Kvevch), since any traveler who arrives at the airport with the approved but incorrect form will be pointed back to their homes to petition for the paperwork again.

The process of obtaining the form is only slightly less frustrating than the form itself, which—along with the standard boxes for name, date of birth, and visa number—requires names and photos of all pets owned, a doctor’s note, three letters written of your behalf by close family members or a notarized affidavit attesting to why these haven’t been provided (along with death certificates in the case of a parent’s passing), and a signed declaration from both a current partner and an ex attesting to your character. It is, in a word, exhaustive. However, with proper dedication, the form can be conquered and mailed, faxed, or attached via the near impossible to use online PDF attachment option and in four to six weeks (during which time a follow-up phone call may be scheduled) you will receive your Documents of Admission.

Make sure to carry your Documents of Admission with you at all times, as they will be requested when you check your luggage, before boarding the plane, upon exiting the plane, and at the Passport and Document Inspection Hall: an abhorrent and endless concourse packed with travelers awaiting the subsequent interview. There is nowhere to sit, and one must stand in the queue, which snakes back and forth on itself, slinking along at an imperceptible pace. Drink plenty of water before arriving and make good use of the vending machines selling Kvevch Crackers, located sporadically throughout the arrival area. The only water fountain is located far from the hall, and those who leave the queue will find their place no longer waiting for them upon return. Many travelers sit upon their carry-on luggage, their head in their hands, nodding off, only to slip slightly forward and sit up again. Some try to lie down, but are nudged forward as soon as they start to dream.

When the moment arrives, and you find yourself admitted into the office of Document Inspection, make sure to remember all the answers filled out in your documents. A single mistake can be reason for rejection, at which point you will be redirected to the planes leaving for

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