Jonathan's Hope by Hirschi Hans M

Author:Hirschi, Hans M. [Hirschi, Hans M.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9789187561016
Publisher: Yaree
Published: 2013-07-16T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 13

CHRISTMAS MORNING CAME, the two lovers entwined in the spooning ritual they established the first night that Jonathan spent in Dan’s bed. Their bed. For a while, it seemed that life was perfect. You know that feeling, when you’re falling in love with someone, and you never, ever, under any circumstances want to leave that person, ever again? That’s how Dan felt when he woke up.

The first thing that came to mind was not the Christmas gifts he bought for Jonathan, nor the surprise trip he had planned for New Year’s Eve. It wasn’t even the feeling of Jonathan’s morning wood against his bare ass, or the memory of Jonathan inside him for the first time. No, the first things that came to mind were Jonathan’s words from the night before. I think I love you. Not I think I’m falling in love, not I like you. No, he said, I think I love you. The strongest of sentiments we have to express our feelings for each other, with only a slight twist, as Jonathan had never felt love before and thus couldn’t be certain that what he felt for Dan actually was love, the real deal.

On so many levels, it frightened Dan, but at the same time it was the one thing he had longed to hear from Jonathan ever since he first looked in his eyes. That was the night he had started to fall. Having been in love before, Dan was more careful in expressing his own emotions. It wasn’t because he couldn’t have said the same thing, but because he knew the right thing was to wait. To wait at least a few weeks, months even, before making such a grave statement. A statement that could potentially be life altering, for him and for Jonathan.

I guess that’s the difference in age speaking, right there. Then again, how could he judge Jonathan? What did he know about his capacity for love, or his ability to recognize this most precious of emotions within him? Who knows, maybe Jonathan did love him. Maybe he wasn’t tainted by years of psychobabble and by the demands of society to rein it in. To be careful not to scare away people. Maybe Jonathan’s statement was as pure as it could be, but damn, did he have to say it right after sex? Somewhere deep in his heart, that was the most unnerving thing about the statement. Dan knew a man’s emotions were in turmoil right after sex. He had seen it often enough, in himself, in Sean, in others. It always felt to Dan as if men fall in love during or after sex, whereas many of the women he knew would barely consider sex without already being in love. Not all of them, not all of the time, of course, but he always felt there was this genuine difference between the sexes. At least as far as he could see, given his limited experience.

Dan extricated himself from Jonathan’s embrace, and got up.

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