In Body I Trust by Lauren Dow

Author:Lauren Dow [Lauren Dow]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New Luna Press
Published: 2021-04-29T00:00:00+00:00

So it goes.

Alone again with only her thoughts to keep her company—and Luna of course—Amelia pulled out her phone and texted Corey for no other reason than to not be alone. She jumped far too soon into a short-term relationship with him after Dominic left. Six years older, a fixer, and set in his ways. But just like Dom, Corey couldn’t handle the emotional baggage she brought along with her. Another reaffirmation that she was too sick for anyone to love.

On paper, Corey was perfect. Tall, dark, and handsome were the cliché words he used to describe himself. He had a good career, a contagious laugh, and a spirit that never let the sourness of the world taint his day-to-day life. He had a knack for knowing what Amelia was thinking. During one of her anxiety attacks at his apartment, Corey came into the bedroom and found her curled up under the covers, hiding from the glorious sunshine coming through the five-foot-high windows on a beautiful Wednesday afternoon. He laid down next to her and wrapped his arms around her frail body as tight as he could without breaking her. She never told him that this was how she was able to get through one of these episodes. To have someone hold her with a grip that squeezed every bit of panic out of her pores.

I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel comforted.

“Do you feel comfortable?” Corey whispered tenderly in her ear.

Amelia nodded her head.

“Do you feel safe and loved?”

Amelia nodded once more.

“Good.”

As if her thoughts spouted through his lips, Corey said the exact right thing without any prompting.

But when Amelia moved into her new apartment in Capitol Hill, she decided that in order for her to move forward with her recovery, she needed to end her romantic relationship with Corey. If she gave herself space and time to be alone, she could learn to love herself again—to find a reason worth living instead of pouring whatever ounce of energy she had left into another human. She couldn’t continue putting herself last, transferring every issue she hadn’t resolved about Dominic right onto the next person.

Amelia put her phone in her pocket without sending a text to Corey. She couldn’t. She didn’t even want to talk to him. It was just another pathetic excuse to ease her lonely heart.

As more space and time passed between the two of them and their relationship, she realized it wasn’t a temporary setback. It was a permanent detachment that broke her heart, but she couldn’t ignore the red flags from those few months together anymore.

He was a workaholic, just like her dad. His inability to open up. His constant need to fix her when all she needed was someone to listen. His lack of support is what killed her the most.

In a manic episode, Amelia spewed out multiple ideas to release the pressure from her brain and Corey found a reason to squash every one of them. He needed to know the logistics of how something as insane as what came out of her mouth would ever work.

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