How to Influence People by Chris Helder

Author:Chris Helder
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780730369585
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2018-12-21T14:30:00+00:00

They didn’t really look at the child. They didn’t really look at the picture. When it really comes down to it, they have missed an opportunity to connect with their child. They had an opportunity to get down on one knee, to the level of the child, look them in the eyes and say, ‘That is beautiful, that is fantastic.’ They missed the opportunity.

It is the same in a relationship. People forget to make eye contact with the people they love. Their partner walks in and says, ‘Hey, honey! How was your day?’ How often does it happen that the other person quickly smiles while checking their emails on their phone: ‘Good — good. Let me just quickly check my emails and I’ll be with you in a minute.’

It happens all the time. When you fail to look, you don’t actually connect.

I always tell audiences that next to the words eye contact, I want them to write down the words be present. When people are present, they naturally look at people.

Now remember, I am not talking about incessantly staring at someone to the extent that you are beginning to freak them out. It is not about big saucer eyes that start to look like crazy eyes! Instead, it is about appropriate eye contact and connection that demonstrate you are present in the conversation you are having.

Maybe when you grew up you had a father or mother who sat at the dinner table and, even though they were physically there, they weren’t really there. You could ask them a question or even walk up to them and put your arms around them. You could punch them on the shoulder or pour them a drink. Even though they were right in front of you, in reality they were still at work!

Perhaps that still happens to you. Are you present at the dinner table? Are you present in the sales meeting? Are you present in the boardroom meeting? There is great power in being able to influence other people when they know someone is listening to them. Everyone has had the experience of talking to someone whose eyes are glazing over in the middle of the conversation. You cannot influence people with glazed eyes.

How present are you? How good are you at looking at people and making eye contact that lets them know that you are listening to them and not distracted? Give yourself a score between one and 10 on eye contact. How good are you at looking and being present?

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