February 1961 by Astounding Stories of Super Science

Author:Astounding Stories of Super Science [Science, Astounding Stories of Super]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Language Arts & Disciplines, Linguistics, General
ISBN: 9781170797143
Publisher: BiblioBazaar
Published: 2010-06-01T00:00:00+00:00

Short Story: THE SECRET LIVES OF FAIRY TALES by Steven Popkes

The Emperor's New Clothes

Now for something completely different, here's the skinny on five classics of fairytaledom. When anyone asks you where you got the inside dope on ‘em, be sure to tell them you heard it here first.

Emperor Thomas had heard about Po and Ho long before he met them. Not that he begrudged two scam artists a living. He liked the Salt Dodge and the False Gumdrop as much as anyone and had a good laugh on how they had modified the Glam and took everything the Widow Stein owned, right down to her porcelain teeth. But all good things come to an end and their end was in sight when the local magistrate hauled them up in front of the Emperor.

When Ho and Po suggested they had something in mind that the good Emperor might be interested in, Thomas was intrigued and kept a close eye on his wallet. The thought of the two of them as master tailors amused him and he let them go ahead for a month—expecting he must bid them a sad but final farewell at the month's end.

The nonexistent clothes exceeded his expectations. An early summer heat wave made the ruffles and brocade hot as hell. A little naked parading was just the right prescription. Everyone saw through it instantly (heh) of course but who was going to say anything?

As the naked emperor wandered in the yard outside, feeling the gentle wind tickle him in places unexposed for decades, Thomas thought: I could get used to this.

A young boy on the wall called out: “He's naked!"

The Emperor didn't even have to raise an eyebrow. His Minister of Personal Security had the boy silenced before his next breath. The boy was immediately and publically dismembered as philosophical instruction to the populace and, more importantly, to members of the court. The Emperor was clearly the final arbiter of fashion.

As Thomas retired back inside—it did look like rain—he considered the possibilities. There were a number of Ladies and daughters of Ladies who could benefit from the gift of Imperial clothing. At least, it would benefit Thomas. And by declaring this gift Imperial, Thomas could insure the quality of the court landscape since no one would be wearing the ephemeral clothing but by his Imperial decree.

The more he thought about it, the less necessary Ho and Po appeared. But by the time Thomas sent his Minister of Personal Security to pay a visit to the two tailors, they were already gone.

* * * *

Snow White

The kingdoms of Althamea and Gerk were side by side on the coast, far enough from the seat of Thomas's empire not to worry overmuch but close enough to smell it if things got too close.

Gerk had enjoyed a regular involuntary infusion of Viking DNA resulting in a population that was big, blue-eyed and blond, heavily muscled and ready for action. Althamea's people, denied these advantages, were short, thin, splay-footed, pigeon-chested, buck-toothed, and myopic.

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