Downforce by Chelsea Leach

Author:Chelsea Leach [Chelsea Leach]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Chelsea Leach
Published: 2021-12-31T00:00:00+00:00

18

If I Lose Myself

“Paging Doctor O’Brien to O.R. three,” the loudspeaker squawked.

Grayson started in his seat, lost in the eerie quiet of the private waiting room he’d been ushered to. He flexed his hands, picking at the dried blood under his fingernails. He’d picked, and scrubbed, and scratched, and he couldn’t get it off. He took in a shaky breath and shot up from his chair. He couldn’t sit for a minute longer. He had to do something, anything. He ran his hands through his hair, bracing them against the back of his head, and let out his breath slowly, trying to calm his racing heart and drown out the tick, tick, ticking of the clock on the wall behind him.

“Grayson! Grayson. Oh god, are you okay? Oh my god…”

Mom. Relief flooded through him. Lillian Miles bull-rushed her son, running her hands across his shoulders and down his arms, scanning for injury and eyeing his blood-encrusted clothes in apprehension.

“Jack called me. I came as soon as I could. Are you okay?” she asked, her deep brown eyes scanning his face.

Grayson opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t. All he could do was shake his head and burst into tears.

Lillian pulled him in tight. “Shhh. Shhh. It’s okay.” She pulled him down to sit in the chairs resting against the nearest wall and let him compose himself. “What happened?”

“A drunk driver hit her while she was crossing the street.” His brow furrowed and his eyes stared hard at the floor, distant. Lillian rested a hand on her son’s back and let him talk.

“We had just said goodbye, and this woman came running. I went to see what was happening…and I saw Alaina’s purse…this dainty little gold thing.” Grayson’s thoughts were flitting around, images dancing in his mind like moths to a flame. “I was making fun of her on the way to the party because she’s always got something sparkly on, and when I saw it…” More tears began streaming down his face, and his voice shook like a leaf in a windstorm. “She was lying in the street…so still. I thought—” He ran his hands up his neck and grabbed his hair by the fistful.

“I tried to keep her calm, to talk to her, but she couldn’t…she couldn’t breathe.” Now Grayson was the one struggling to breathe as he fought back the waves of panic that were threatening to engulf him. “I could hear the sirens, but I couldn’t look away. There was this off-duty EMT trying to help, but there wasn’t much he could do, and I could s-see her…slipping away…” Grayson took another shaky breath. “There wasn’t anything I could do. Nothing. And I felt…s-so…helpless…” A sob racked his body, and his mother pulled him back to her, stroking his cheek and kissing the crown of his head.

“Where are her parents?” Lillian asked in a low murmur.

Grayson shook his head. “I don’t know. Jess was going to call her mom, but she lives an hour from the city.”

“Grayson,” she continued to run a comforting hand up and down his back.

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