Conner's Courage by SJD Peterson

Author:SJD Peterson [Peterson, SJD]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: erotic MM, Romance MM
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

CONNER leaned back, one booted foot propped up on the aging wooden slats of the wall behind the barn. Clouds had rolled in, and the night was devoid of any illumination from either stars or moon. The only thing that cut the pitch-blackness that surrounded him was the brief red glow from the tip of his cigarette as he inhaled the smoke deeply into his lungs and blew it out. Ever since the first night John had snuck into his room nearly two weeks ago, he’d been in a funk. Nothing about their new relationship sat right with him. The mutual blowjobs, stolen moments to rub off on each other, or the hot yet quiet sex in the wee hours of the night, whatever they could accommodate in the limited private time they could find—now, there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with those pleasures.

The allure of a random hookup was something Conner had always been drawn to and had happily engaged in without regret since he was a teenager. Having a fuck buddy or entering a relationship solely based on how hot the sex was wasn’t something he’d ever had an issue with. He still didn’t have a problem with casual sex, so why was he feeling all wonked out? Why had this sickening feeling burrowed into his gut shortly after that day in the field and steadily increased its hold with each subsequent time he was with John? What was it about John that made it so different from anything he’d experienced in the past?

It couldn’t be the casualness of the sex. Conner was used to that. Hell, he loved it, went searching for it enough damn times. It couldn’t be that he was in love with John. He and John had been too busy fucking and fighting, Conner hadn’t bothered to find out anything about the brooding man other than “I’m a cowboy, a foreman, and a citizen of this here small town.” He also knew the man had a smokin’ hot body that Conner had never thought he’d find outside of the fantasies in his head. So what if John could make him forget his damn name when the big bear wrapped around him and pounded into his ass? It still just didn’t make sense. None of the things he knew about John could explain the disquietude that had weaved through Conner and held him in its grasp.

Conner took another long draw from his cigarette, watching the red glow flare bright. He blew out the lungful of smoke and studied the ember at the end. What the fuck is it? Surely whatever he had with John couldn’t lead to much. John was closeted, seemed happy as a pig in shit to stay there. Conner was kidding himself to think John would step out and engage in an open relationship with him. Yet here he stood, smoking again after five years, hating himself for trying to act straight, and more so hating John for making him feel he needed to.

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