Captain Ni'mat's Last Battle by Mohamed Leftah

Author:Mohamed Leftah [Leftah, Mohamed]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Other Press
Published: 2022-06-07T00:00:00+00:00

2

CAPTAIN NI’MAT’S BLINDING REVELATION had come so late that the crucial matter of his age struck him acutely. Though his young Nubian lover responded to and satisfied his every desire, he nonetheless wondered whether affection, if not to say love, played any role at all in that willingness. If there was any affection or love to be found, it was inevitably tainted by venality, for Captain Ni’mat had tripled his servant’s wages and showered him with gifts. Would other young houseboys who worked in the neighborhood also welcome his advances if he were to offer them a substantial monetary recompense? He bitterly regretted the single and rather foolhardy attempt he had made in that regard, which, though expressed ambiguously, had been met by a categorical refusal from the young man being solicited.

Captain Ni’mat naturally began to pay more attention to his appearance, a consideration seemingly completely forgotten by his compatriots. In his case, this manifested as new sartorial choices, intensive physical exercise, and, still related to the body, more discreet, specific, and intimate rituals. For example, he now periodically shaved his armpits, pubis, upper thighs, perineum, and between his buttocks, spraying these areas with a brand-name deodorant after each of the three or four showers he took daily. His buttocks were always exposed, even when he was dressed. When he put on his briefs, the captain would fold and bend the part of the fabric meant to cover his rear in such a way that it formed a slender cord that conformed perfectly to the cleft parting his buttocks. This idea of wearing his briefs like thongs had struck him as a way to maintain a corporal, tangible, and tactile awareness of what he had become and wanted to fully assume. Deep down at least, mentally and physically, for in the society in which he lived, it was out of the question to publicly admit to being a homosexual.

As for his marriage, he and Mervet now slept in separate bedrooms. The only times he visited her bed were the days when he reached the peak of that dual pleasure Islam procured for him and which brought tears to his eyes. And though on those days he would sleep with his wife, it was more for assurance, psychologically, that he hadn’t been completely feminized, than out of any real desire. Mervet didn’t take any true pleasure either from these intermittent, increasingly rare lovemaking sessions. On one occasion, Captain Ni’mat realized that his virility was lacking, a failing that recurred the next time. Neither Captain Ni’mat nor Mervet viewed this impotence as catastrophic or tragic. In fact, the captain saw it as an opportunity, the ideal moment, to suggest to his wife that they keep separate bedrooms, using her worsening snoring as an excuse. When he left his wife’s bed, it wasn’t without genuine albeit pointless remorse, as it had already been one year since he himself had consummated something akin to new nuptials.

Now, when he surrendered himself, though quite infrequently, onto

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