Arctic Restitution by Lynn Kelling

Author:Lynn Kelling
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: romance, gay, contemporary, mm, alaska, exconvict, state trooper
Publisher: Enspire Publishing

Chapter 16:

Burning

When he’d continued to refuse to open the door, Dixon had gotten a screwdriver, removed the handle completely, and got inside anyway. When Jaye hadn’t responded to demands to come sit down, to get up, Dixon had lifted him off of the bathroom floor and carried him to the couch. He’d used a cool washcloth to clean Jaye’s face and gave him a glass of water to sip.

The ghosts were laughing.

Dixon wrapped him in a blanket to try to stop the shaking.

“Jaye, talk to me,” Dixon demanded. “You were doing so good! What is this? What’s wrong?”

Jay grunted, then shook his head, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes.

Faggot.

Piggy.

You fucking worthless trash.

You had this coming.

We’re coming.

At the top of his lungs, he screamed, “Shut up!”

“God no,” Dixon groaned. “Jaye, listen to me,” he said with the cop’s voice, trying to cut through. “Listen. They’re not here. No one else is here.”

“I won’t. I won’t go. I won’t go back. They can’t — ”

“Jaye, no one is making you go back, okay? No one. You’re home. You’re safe. I love you. You’re okay, I swear. No one touches you. No one hurts you. They don’t even get close.”

“They’ll find me. They always find me.”

“Jaye!”

“NO, Dixon! No,” Jaye yelled.“You don’t understand! You don’t know, okay?”

“I’m trying,” Dixon told him tenderly, taking his face in his hands. “I’m doing my best. You went off in your head, started to think about things that are better off forgotten about, right? You don’t need to take it all on. You don’t. You’re doing so much better, but you still need to cut yourself some slack. Okay? Please? You can’t let it all in. You need to let it go. Leave it behind. You need to try.”

Jaye held onto Dixon’s arm. His heartbeat was finally slowing down, but he still wanted to puke. He kept spiraling back there, to that alley, to that cell, to that dark, secret place, to that bathroom stall, to that bloody storage room. Then it all started to overlap, to smother him.

“Fucked and fucked-up. That’s me. That’s Johnny. That’s all I’ll ever be,” he whispered. “They used to tell me that and it’s true. It’s really true.”

Dixon sat beside him on the couch and pulled him onto his lap. Curled up there, huddled in the blanket, Jaye felt Dixon’s arms come around him again.

“You’re not Johnny anymore. You’re not that guy. You’re home. You’re safe. No one is forcing you to go back there. You’re okay, babe, I promise. I have you.”

But it was all as good as done. Jaye knew it was. Cash would buy the tickets. Sesi would find the place. Jaye would have to go to Sheridan and he’d never leave. They’d rat him out about what he’d done to Tio and keep him there. He’d never see Dixon again, because they’d dissect him before he ever got the chance. Maybe they’d take his eyes first, like he took Tio’s. What would they take next?

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