Apocalypse Earth: Space - Destruction (Book 5): Monty Python's Pacific Rim...! by SG Laurie

Author:SG Laurie [Laurie, SG]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-12-26T22:00:00+00:00

*1 - AUTHOR NOTE - Ref. 347A-34/GRAMMAR NAZI: Now, this is something that's generated a lot of feedback, the repetition of the words "to talk" X 2 - "to talk to talk to you."

It is not a typo, neither is it a superlative double negative.

If you are offended by the use of the english language in this manner, know this: We are all mothers, fathers, sons, daughters - people in pain. And somehow we have continued.

7

Countdown

“I am Goldie Hawn,” the Ass Licker told Anus.

That was her name.

Anus said: “Uh-huh? Goldie Hawn? Good to know! I enjoyed your sister, Goldie, not as much as I would you - I can tell. I didn’t get her name.”

He gushed more blood as Goldie Hawn leaned in, tore his throat out with her fangs.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh…" Anus said.

“No…!” I yelled.

Not because I wanted him alive.

Too late, Anus suddenly yanked heavily at the heavy gold chain with his last remaining breath. The chain pulled apart, split in two. I also wanted to know where my Taurus revolver was. I really wanted that back, but now Anus was dead. I looked at him, his three eyes wide and his mouth gaping open.

“Hold this,” I said, handing the banana to one of the Hairy Fuckers crowding around Anus’s inert body and Goldie Hawn, blood dripping from her face.

“We should eat him,” one of them said.

“He’d want that,” another concurred.

“No one is eating anyone,” Michelle said to them while I hunted around for my revolver. That bastard Anus had done a pretty good job of making sure I wouldn’t find it.

The Hairy Fuckers looked unsure of what was in store for them, looked as though they felt pretty lost suddenly.

But only momentarily.

I shouted to Michelle and the Ass Licker: “We have to go - now!”

“Why are you shouting?” they shouted back.

“Anus is dead!”

“Hoorah - hoorah, hoorah, hoorah…!” everyone cheered at the news.

“Anus activated a countdown when he broke that chain of his - it must have some sort of embedded self-destruct signal!” I yelled.

“What…?” everyone said.

An alarm suddenly sounded, a steady, monotonous whine drowning out normal conversation. An electronic voice, with typical the The Six efficiency, announced:

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