America Bizarro by Nelson Taylor

Author:Nelson Taylor
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group

St. Louis

Pub Dart Tournament

Every April local bar and live music venue Blueberry Hill sponsors the oldest (1972) and largest (500 contestants) pub dart tournament in the nation.

For details call 314/727-0880.

MONTANA

Bozeman

Dirt Bag Day

Every March the Big Sky Ski and Summer Resort sponsors Dirt Bag Day, which gives locals and tourists alike the chance to dress up in their nastiest get-ups and parade around the ski slopes. That evening the fun continues at the Dirt Bag Ball, which features live music and the annual crowning of the Dirt Bag King and Queen. Tickets for the party are $10.

For details call 406/995-5886

Clinton

Testicle Festival

Montana tendergroin … cowboy caviar … critter fritters. Come have a ball, or two, or two dozen at Montana’s original Testicle Festival. This all-out, five-day fest is held every September at the Rock Creek Lodge, a seedy bunkhouse, bar and casino in the no-man’s-land located half-way between Glacier and Yellowstone national parks. The festival is the brainchild of Rod Lincoln, owner of the lodge. Like every year after the festival, he’s got a wicked case of laryngitis. “I believe every place should have a signature event that sets it apart. And since there are a lot of Rocky Mountain Oyster thieves around these parts, it was a natural.” Then Lincoln adds, “And I just loved the way Testicle Festival rolled off my tongue.”

What started out in 1982 as a quirky culinary celebration of Rocky Mountain Oysters (bull balls) for 300 has turned into a 15,000-person, R-rated, knock-em-down, drag-em-out party. “Yep, there’s lots of gratuitous nudity, so this is no place for kids. But it’s all spontaneous. I guess people are expressing their First Amendment rights.” He’s talking about events like the Body Painting Contest, the Co-Ed Naked Pool Tournament, the Wet T-shirt Contest (if T-shirts are worn at all) and the Hairy Chest Contest, where men often drop their drawers to further impress the judges.

There are also events for the clothed, such as Bullshit Bingo, where people buy a square on a huge grid for $5. Every time the bull shits, somebody wins $100. For the thousands of Harley riders who show up every year, there’s the Biker Ball-Biting Contest. Lincoln explains, “It’s a fishing pole kind of affair. We put a Rocky Mountain Oyster on a clip attached to a line hanging over the street. And girls on the back of a bike try to bite the ball as they pass without using their hands.” Other entertainment? Lincoln invited the Seattle Cossacks Motorcycle Stunt and Drill Team to thrill the crowd in 1999. And what party would be complete without lots of music and booze?

But the balls are always the main attraction … the edible kind, that is. In 1999 Lincoln served over 54,000 pounds of USDA-approved Rocky Mountain Oysters quadruple-dipped in a wet-and-dry batter with special herbs and spices. Lincoln laughs, “I like to say Colonel Sanders went to his grave without my recipe.” Although the entire event has been free in year’s past, in 2000 there will be a $10-per-head charge, whether you stay for a day or for the entire festival.

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