Agatha H. and the Siege of Mechanicsburg by Phil Foglio
Author:Phil Foglio
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781949102284
Publisher: Night Shade books
Published: 2020-02-20T00:00:00+00:00
The streets of Mechanicsburg were burning. Not all of them, of course, but Captain Kepler of the First Smarty-Pants Brigade vowed that, with enough time, heâd make sure he got to them all. He was roused from his murderous contemplation by one of his men stomping up to him, coming to order with a pop and a clank. âSir!â
Kepler flicked a switch on what looked like a pair of ornately enameled mechanical hip waders and wheeled to face him. âWhat is it, Spinoza?â
âGot a situation, sir.â
âAnother one?â
âWeâve finally taken some prisoners, sir. Theyâre just townspeople, but they were really giving us a hard time.â
Kepler looked around and nodded. âHow many?â
âEight, sir.â
âAnybody important? Doctors or City Council?â
âNo, sir. I think theyâre bakers.â
Kepler shrugged. âOkay, so whatâs the problem? Shoot them.â
Spinoza blinked. âShootâ but we canât do that!â
âDonât tell me youâre out of bullets?â
âNo, sir! But . . . but theyâve surrendered. And theyâre just a bunch of old men! Civilians!â
âSo what are we supposed to do with them? Give them a kick in the pants and send them home? Who do you think is fighting us? âCiviliansâ have wiped out half our squad! Iâve never seen resistance like this. Theyâre shopkeepers, for Aresâ sake! They shouldnât care whoâs in charge! Theyâll cheat anybody!â
The lieutenant trotted along silently, giving his superior time to wind down. âWell, this is Mechanicsburg, sir. Theyâre not happy unless a Heterodyne in charge.â
âWell then, their Heterodyne can protect them.â
Soon they arrived at what indeed proved to be a bakery, though, from the state of its walls it wouldnât be functioning for quite a while. Indications were the shutdown might be permanent, at least as far as the staff was concerned. They were lined up against a brick wall with ten armed troopers covering them.
Kepler stomped onto the scene and the troops gave him a salute. âDonât look at me when youâre covering prisoners,â he roared.
âSir! Sorry, sir!â The soldiers snapped back into position. Kepler shook his head. It was easy to see why theyâd allowed themselves to slip. The men against the wall were obviously bakers. Even beneath the battle grime, you could see the flour. But . . . these werenât just bakers. Even now, it was evident these were men just waiting for an excuse to leap back into action. Kepler had been a professional soldier long enough to know the most dangerous thing a career soldier could face was an impassioned amateur. They didnât follow the rules. He stood behind his men now. âYou treat those men with respect?â
âYes, sir!â
âNow, shoot them!â
âYesâwhat?â
âStand to attention!â They snapped into place. Donât give them time to think, Kepler thought grimly. âForm a firing line! Ready, aimââ
DOOOM!
The soldiers collapsed to the ground along with several of the younger bakers. The older men along the wall stared for a second before breaking into wild grins. One or two of them looked like they were going to be ill, though whether that was from the bell or the near death experience they would be hard-pressed to say.
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