A Good Dad's Guide to Divorce by John McElhenney

Author:John McElhenney [McElhenney, John]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McElhenney
Published: 2019-10-17T00:00:00+00:00

Losing Everything Again, And Finding Happiness Anyway

John McElhenney

I’m in a rough place. At the same time, I can’t say that I’ve ever been happier. But I’m just beginning to realize happiness is about my relationship with myself and not someone else. Sure, I’d like to be in a relationship. I really miss the physical contact, the camaraderie, the checking-in at all hours of the day with little texts and messages. I love being in love. And I love being in a relationship. Until it’s not working. Then I’m not all that good at expressing what I need to make things better. So I suffer. I moan. I get depressed. What I should get is ANGRY. But I suck at that even more.

Two months ago I was asked to move out of “her” house. I was broken. I was freaked out and scared that I was retreating to my mom’s house to die. I imagined myself sleeping all the time, fighting with my mom about not getting up, like a teenager. I knew the sadness was going to be overwhelming. I mean, I loved this woman with all my being, and she was everything I dreamed I wanted in a relationship, and now she was going away? I was almost as afraid of the darkness I was going to descend into, more than the darkness I was in, but I knew that staying was not healthy. I was anxious and depressed at the same time. And I needed to get out of the house and get on with the grief and healing that would come from losing it all again.

For the first two weeks, I suffered. Very differently than I thought I would. I was sad. I was grieving. But I was also relieved. I relaxed a bit once I was alone again. I slept better. I napped anytime I felt tired. I took back control of my schedule and my priorities. And one thing I did, for sure, was exercise every day. It was a commitment I’d made over a year ago when I was struggling. No matter what, I can walk. Even if it’s only three miles or so. I can walk. And while it might not make me feel better in the short term, in the long run I knew it was as good for my soul as it was for my health.

I also attended a boatload of Al-Anon meetings. I was going almost to keep from being so alone. But I was listening too. And I spoke a few times about the struggle of giving up on a relationship. I got a lot of phone numbers of people I could call when I just needed someone to talk to. It was the best support network I could’ve asked for. These people had experience with what I was going through. Most of them had years in the program and gave pretty sage advice when asked for it. But mainly they were sounding boards for my recovery thinking, about

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