A Downpour of Apes (Book 2 of The Annals of Absurdity) by Joshua Price

Author:Joshua Price
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: comedy, humor, time travel, bigfoot, superhero novel, captain rescue, joshua price, a drizzle of zombies

Proving that he had not been born in a barn, Captain Rescue closed the door behind him, engulfing the tunnels once more in darkness. A few seconds ago, in the light, he was certain that these tunnels weren’t haunted and that he had nothing to fear. But his tune had changed. In fact, his tune wasn’t even musical now. It was more like a fear-filled shriek. Ghosts were going to eat his soul. And he was rather partial to his suit; it had suited him well.

Just prior to calling for an exorcism, Captain Rescue remembered something. He pushed his way through the others and unbuttoned a pouch on his utility belt.

“I’ve got just the thing to lighten up the place.” He took out a pocket flashlight and flipped it on.

Dr. Malevolent laughed. “I’d hate to see the thing that’s compensating for.”

Captain Rescue swung around, shining the narrow beam of light into her eyes. “I don’t appreciate what you’re implying. This is a sophisticated crime fighting tool.”

“Is that so?”

“It’s compact, easy to conceal, easy to use, and only takes one triple-a battery.”

Captain Rescue had not quite finished defending his pygmy flashlight when an even greater beam engulfed his. The hero glanced to his left, where Charlie had withdrawn the heavy-duty floodlight he had stashed away. Captain Rescue stared at it, then at his miniature one. He discreetly switched his off and slid it back into his utility belt.

Despite being emasculated, the hero had to admit the great illumination made it seem less likely that ghosts would steal his soul any time soon. Charlie’s floodlight revealed the tunnels and their overabundance of grey and silver. From the concrete ground and walls to the thick metal pipes along the ceiling.

The tunnels were claustrophobic and a bit eerie, but there didn’t seem to be any ghosts lurking about. But Captain Rescue had seen enough movies to know that ghosts appear just when you least expect them. He swung around, hoping to catch a ghoul off guard. But there was only a door.

“So, these are the haunted tunnels we’ve heard so much about,” said Charlie, scanning with his flashlight.

Captain Rescue scratched his head. “I don’t think I heard about them before we got here.”

“I was being facetious.”

“Fah-see-shush?”

“You are incorrigible.”

“In-cor—”

“Shut up,” interrupted the bunny. “These tunnels really don’t seem that bad.”

“They sure don’t,” Dr. Malevolent said, marching forward.

Captain Rescue followed the supervillain, wondering how she could show so little fear in the face of such evil. When the ghosts came, he’d see how brave she really was. When they stole her soul (if she had one) and left her a withered husk, he’d see how brave she was. Captain Rescue knew better than to feign bravery. The tormented souls down here didn’t care. They knew that he was just one creak, one whistle away from wetting himself.

When he heard a nearby pipe pop, Captain Rescue figured it would be best to take his mind off ghosts and potential soul-sucking. He tried his best to stay calm, focusing on the lighted bits of the tunnels while steering clear of the darkened, scary bits.

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