A Colossal Wreck by Alexander Cockburn

Author:Alexander Cockburn
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Verso Books
Published: 2013-09-09T16:00:00+00:00

What happened to the loofa? Maybe Abe Foxman called him on the other line to warn about “going Arab on us.” And what is O’Reilly planning to do with the falafel?

“… I would take the other hand with the falafel thing [sic] and I’d put it on your pussy, but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business.”

According to the courtroom document available for inspection on Smoking Gun the quality of the conversation goes downhill from there on in. It may be that O’Reilly’s tour of Arab commodities was proleptic, as he began to shift gears through the vowel sounds.

For an interesting discussion of the processes involved I recommend Sebastiano Timpanaro’s philological investigation, published in translation years ago by Verso, entitled The Freudian Slip. From loofa to falafel to what? Let Ms. Mackris and her lawyer tell it their way. O’Reilly “suggested he would perform oral sex” on Ms. Mackris and she would “perform fellatio on his ‘big cock’ but not complete the act,” maybe to conserve his energies for further deployment of the little loofa or the falafel, though the lifespan of a falafel in a shower is surely limited in duration. After the exciting fa-fel-fell monologue and what to Ms. Mackris’s “repulsed” ear sounded like the hum of a vibrator and acoustic intimations of satisfactory climax, O’Reilly launched into a discussion concerning how good he was during a recent appearance on The Today Show.

Thanks ever so, Ms. Mackris. It must have been just horrible for you, but it was in a good cause. You gave us a bright moment in a dark year.

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