514: The Day the Devil Came to Buffalo by Talley Mark

Author:Talley, Mark [Talley, Mark]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-05-13T00:00:00+00:00

The pain I felt in my dream jolted me awake. What the hell is wrong with me? I screamed in my head. I love you, mom! Why can’t I cry? Why can’t I feel anything?

I tossed and turned all night as I tried to return to sleep. But the roller coaster inside my stomach wouldn’t let me. I wanted to know a little more about what happened to my mom, so I scrolled through the news clippings on my phone app. And when I discovered that my mom’s killer was an eighteen-year-old White boy, I quickly closed the news app and began tormenting myself with all the ‘why’ questions.

Why wasn’t I more vocal in expressing my love for my mom ? She was such a loving woman who told me that she loved me almost every time we talked or saw each other. And she definitely knew that I loved her. But why wasn’t I capable of understanding how much it would’ve meant to her to hear those three little words from her only son? I mean—I’ve always been a low emotions person, so I rarely said it back to her when she said it to me.

Why didn’t I call my mom a week ago to wish her Happy Mother’s Day instead of sending her a text message from Rosh’s phone? I mean—I didn’t even tell her the text message was from me. I just assumed she knew. Why couldn’t I see how impersonal sending a text message was and just called her from Rosh’s phone so she could hear my voice? At least I would’ve known that she knew it was me, her double scoop of dark chocolate, who wished her Happy Mother’s Day.

The final question, the question I asked myself then and still do now…. Why did I take for granted how long I would have her in my life? If I had known this is how my life with her was going to end, I would have hugged my mom so tight the last time I saw her and never let go.

After beating myself up thinking about all the things I should’ve, would’ve, could’ve done, I finally fell asleep around 4 a.m.

On the morning of May 15 th , I awoke to the sound of Rosh weeping next to me. I wanted to take her into my arms and comfort her, but I couldn’t muster enough strength to move. So, I just laid there, staring at the ceiling, and grieving on the inside as Porkchop whined in the hallway. I laid there because I just didn't know what to do. I was afraid to go outside because I knew that if I saw anyone who resembled my mom’s killer—you know, someone who looked like the stereotypical White country boy with a porn ‘stache and beard stubble, I might snap and immediately try to hurt that person. And my head was so messed up in that moment. Like I said earlier, if I had known on the morning of May 14 th that by 2:28 p.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.