13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do by Amy Morin

Author:Amy Morin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2017-09-19T04:00:00+00:00

Responsible Kids Grow Up Knowing How to Bounce Back from Failure

Veronica brought her fourteen-year-old son, Zack, to therapy because she was concerned he might have ADHD. She said Zack was forgetful, disorganized, and downright lazy. It’s a common issue I see in my therapy office—frustrated parents who just can’t understand why their child isn’t motivated to do any work. But after talking with them for a while, the problem was pretty clear.

Veronica had concluded that Zack was an irresponsible kid. So she constantly reminded him to do everything. She’d say, “Zack, don’t forget to pack your water bottle for the game,” or “Remember, you’re going to need to study for that science test tonight.”

Since she always reminded him to do everything, Zack never worried about managing his time. He waited until his mother told him what to do. And even then he usually just did the bare minimum.

He wasn’t learning how to think for himself. Instead he was just following orders. No wonder he was forgetful and disorganized. Fortunately, a few changes to Veronica’s parenting helped him start to become more responsible.

Since Veronica had always prevented Zack from facing consequences, by nagging and reminding him what to do, he’d never experienced any of the ramifications of his behavior. Once she stepped out of the way and allowed him to experience natural consequences, he became much more responsible.

Give your child difficult tasks, even though he will fail sometimes. With practice, he’ll learn how to recover from failure and he’ll discover that he can handle more responsibility than he might give himself credit for.

Hold him accountable for his behavior. Over time, he’ll learn how to hold himself accountable. And he’ll learn to bounce back from failure and try again.

Mentally strong people don’t give up after the first failure. But your child needs practice failing so he can learn to rebound from failure. Teaching him to be responsible is the best way to help him discover how to deal with challenges and how to do better when he fails.

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