Xanth 25 - The Dastard by Xanth

Author:Xanth [Xanth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Xanth (Imaginary place), Fantasy - General, Humorous Stories, Humorous, Fantasy fiction, Fiction - Fantasy, General, Fantasy, Fantasy - Series, Fiction
ISBN: 0312869002
Publisher: Tor Books
Published: 2008-12-07T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 9: DEAD ENCOUNTER

Melody felt physically comfortable and emotionally uncomfortable, for the same reason: Her scant blouse and skirt set her body largely free to jiggle and bounce as it wished, and it was warmed by every ray of sunlight and cooled by every playful gust of wind. She was afraid that if any man saw her in this state, she would blush in places that shouldn't even be visible. "I can't even take a long step without my panties showing," she complained.

"Then maybe we had better abolish the panties," Harmony said.

Melody took a breath to make a horrified protest, but Rhythm spoke first. "No, we need them to freak out the Dastard. Her bare bottom wouldn't do a thing for him."

"So says the ludicrous Adult Conspiracy," Sim squawked cheerfully. He, of course, was immune to the panty effect, being unrelated to any human breed or crossbreed. He found the whole Conspiracy amusing, having long since learned what it was all about.

"We had better go get this job done," Melody said. The plan was to freak out the Dastard with her panties, so that the soul could catch him, and make him halfway decent. With luck they could do it within the hour and return to Ptero, where things were normal.

"First we have to find him," Harmony said.

"So we'll locate him in the Magic Tapestry," Rhythm concluded.

They started back toward Castle Roogna. "Aren't you forgetting something?" Sim squawked.

They circled a blank glance. "Are we?" Melody asked.

"You can't show yourselves in familiar haunts, lest someone recognize you."

"Oopsy," Harmony said.

"So we'll turn invisible again," Rhythm finished.

They sang, played, and drumbeat themselves as invisible as Sim was. Then he carried them to the roof of the castle, and they left him there and went quietly down into the upper hall.

There were three wild little princesses dashing madly along, playing Faun & Nymph without the benefit of any fauns. They simply liked running and screaming.

"Were we like that?" Melody whispered rhetorically.

"We must have been," Harmony agreed.

"We still are, when we get young on Ptero," Rhythm said.

Princess Ivy appeared, properly appalled. "Girls! At least put on some clothing!"

"Awwww," they protested in unison, and went into their room.

"No one will ever know we're gone," Melody said, satisfied.

"The demon kids are doing a good job," Harmony agreed.

"And so is D. Metria," Rhythm said.

Ivy looked around, smiling. "I hope there aren't any unfamiliar ghosts in here," she said loudly to the supposedly empty hall. "We wouldn't want our regular ghosts to get jealous."

Melody realized that they needed to be silent as well as invisible, lest they arouse suspicion. They shut up and went to the Tapestry room. Fortunately it was empty.

They directed their thoughts to the Dastard, and in a moment a picture formed of lutans riding horses hard at night, just across the border in Mundania. The poor animals were getting worn out, but the beastly lutans had no mercy.

"That's not it," Melody complained. "We're looking for the Dastard."

The scene changed. Now it showed northwest Xanth, just inside the border with Mundania.

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