Xanth #15 - The Color of Her Panties by Piers Anthony

Author:Piers Anthony [Anthony, Piers]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780380759491
Google: 6sHs97MGd9EC
Amazon: 0380759497
Barnesnoble: 0380759497
Goodreads: 15460
Publisher: Eos
Published: 1992-09-01T04:00:00+00:00

In the morning they got up, dressed, and joined Sofia for a breakfast of pease porridge. Some of the peas were hot and some were cold and some looked as if they had been in the pot for some time. "This is just right for eating, now," Sofia said, confirming Okra's impression. "It is exactly nine days old."

Mela picked out some hot peas, and Ida selected cold ones. But Okra liked those that were nine days old.

At last it was time to see the Good Magician Humfrey. Sofia ushered them into the smallest, dingiest, most crowded chamber of the castle. There, almost lost amidst the piled tomes, was an old gnarled gnome of a man. This was Himself.

He looked up. "What do you want?" he demanded grumpily.

They hesitated. Then Mela spoke. "We—we have Questions, sir."

"Don't call me sir!" he snapped.

"No, your majesty."

"Don't call me that either. In fact don't call me anything. It only wastes time."

"Uh, yes," Mela agreed, out of sorts.

"Well, get on with it," he grumped.

Mela took a breath, which was impressive even in her clothing. "How can I find a suitable husband?" she asked.

He squinted at her appraisingly. "By that you mean a nice, handsome, manly, and intelligent prince who is partial to sea creatures, of course."

"Of course," she echoed.

He looked at Ida. "And you?"

Ida was startled by the abruptness of his attention. "I seek my destiny. I—"

"Yes, yes, everybody does," he said. His gaze oriented on Okra. "You, ogress?"

"How can I get rid of Jenny Elf?" Okra asked boldly.

Mela and Ida were appalled. "You can't do that," Mela said. "She's a major character."

"If there's a way, he should know it," Okra said.

"There is a way," Humfrey agreed. "There's always a way. There are Answers for all three of you. But I have decided not to give them, on the grounds that it would be counterproductive. Now go away and let me get my work done."

"But—" the three said together.

"The Good Magician has Spoken," Sofia said gently. "There's no arguing with him when he's like that. You will have to go."

"Now wait a minute," Mela said indignantly. "We had to go through the challenges, and we got thoroughly gunked up in your smelly freshwater moat. At least tell us a better why."

The Magician ignored her. "Please, don't aggravate him," Sofia urged. "He's difficult enough already."

"At least a hint," Ida said. "I'm sure he could spare that much."

"Yes," Okra agreed.

The Magician looked up, but did not speak.

"Yes, a hint," Mela said. "Or else."

Humfrey scowled. "Or else what?"

"Or else I'll show you my panty," Mela said. She turned around and put one hand on her skirt. "And freak you out."

"Oh!" Sofia exclaimed, appalled.

The Good Magician seemed almost to smile. "Then go see Nada Naga." He returned to his musty tome.

Sofia bustled them out. "What a disaster," she muttered.

"Well, at least we did get a hint," Ida said.

"But he'll be insufferably grumpy for a week!" Sofia said. "Oh, why did this have to happen on my watch?"

"I'm sorry," Mela said. "I suppose I shouldn't have threatened him.

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