WTF? College by Gregory Bergman & Jodi Miller

Author:Gregory Bergman & Jodi Miller
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, Inc.
Published: 2009-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

53. You’re Not Invited to Any of the Cool Parties

You thought that college would be different—a clean slate with new friends and new girls who don’t know that you wet yourself in your ninth-grade history class. This was your chance to start over. Remake yourself. But it didn’t take long to learn that just like in high school you aren’t getting invited to the cool parties. In fact, the last party you went to was a Dungeons & Dragons get-together where you were asked to guard the chips in case any archers or unicorns came in to steal them.

The WTF Approach to Getting Around Not Getting a F*#!-ing Invite

OPTION #1: Crash It

College parties are cluster-fucks, so just walk in behind a big group of people. If someone asks who you’re with, say you were invited by some dude named Jeff. There’s got to be a Jeff in there somewhere.

OPTION #2: Dress in Drag

Chicks always get priority when it comes to getting into parties. True, it won’t be as easy to meet girls dressed as a chick, but when else would you have a chance to have lesbian sex? And don’t worry if you don’t look very good as a girl, just make a few hot girlfriends and go with them—there’s always one ugly chick with a group of hotties.

OPTION #3: Work at a Bar

Even if you are not twenty-one yet, most bars in most states allow you to work in bars at eighteen. Become a bar-back, doorman, waiter, whatever, just get in and make sure it’s a cool joint. Working at a local bar can turn a loser like you into everyone’s best friend.

OPTION # 4: Get Revenge

If you still can’t manage to sneak into the cool parties, then ruin the fun for everyone else. Call the cops and give those “cool” kids a night they’ll never forget.

POP QUIZ

Choose the cool party.

A. Hey, I’m having a couple of really nice people over for good conversation.

B. Um, what are you up to tonight? Wanna, like, come over or whatever?

C. A group of us are getting together to watch the Dancing with the Stars finale. You in, bro?

D. Want to get totally fucked up?

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