Working With Anger by Thubten Chodron

Author:Thubten Chodron
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Tags: Tibetan Buddhism
ISBN: 1559391634
Publisher: Snow Lion Publications
Published: 2001-10-25T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Ten

ACCEPTANCE AND EMPOWERMENT

Underneath our anger, we often find a refusal to accept the reality of a situation and a feeling of powerlessness in its face. These feelings are related, because the confusion that arises from fighting the reality of an event makes us feel helpless and unable to influence it. Once we accept what is happening, we can determine more clearly the parameters of possible action and feel empowered to act.

Accept What Is Happening

Often, we become angry because we think that someone shouldn’t think, do, or say what they are or that things shouldn’t happen the way they are. In other words, our mind does not accept the reality of whatever is happening and wants it to be different. We may develop many reasons why things should be different, but that doesn’t change the reality of what they are.

Jackie ate a healthy diet and exercised, yet she was diagnosed with cancer at age forty-two. Her mind spun in disbelief, “I took such good care of my health. This can’t happen to me!” Presupposing the worst, she fell into depression and did little to deal constructively with her illness. By attending a support group at the Wellness Center, Jackie came to accept that she had cancer. In addition, she met many others who had it and had survived. Their example encouraged her, and feeling more in control of the situation, she began to research various treatment options in order to make a wise decision. Feeling that she had some power to deal with the situation, she began taking better care of herself physically and mentally. When I met her several years later, she was in good health and told me that the cancer had made her grow in ways that she could not have imagined previously. “As strange as it may sound,” she said, “I now see the cancer as a gift.”

Some people think that acceptance means not trying to change the situation and fear that such an attitude could be used to support abuse or oppression. However, this is not the case. Acceptance simply means fully accepting that what is happening now is indeed happening, even if we do not like what it is. We stop fighting the reality of the present moment and let go of our anger. Nevertheless, we can still aspire and work towards improving the situation in the future. In fact, acceptance of the present enables us to think more clearly about effective means for influencing what occurs in the future.

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