Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride

Author:Karyl McBride
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Psychology, General, Family & Relationships, Interpersonal Relations, Self-Help, Family Relationships, Personal Growth
ISBN: 9781439129432
Publisher: Free Press
Published: 2008-09-23T10:23:00+00:00

Betsy made the most of the three-pointers in her marriage. “I have a high tolerance for deviant behavior. Codependency galore! I recognize it now. Looking back on my second husband, he was passive and nice, and I was willing to put up with anything because he was nice to me. I was more charismatic and more social, the breadwinner. He used me. He was narcissistic and had a narcissistic injury too. I kept busy and took care of everything. He got fired a lot because of verbal arguments with people. I always wrote his résumés and got his jobs for him. Looking back, I see that he didn’t recognize what I did for him. He put no effort into things. He never said the words ‘I’m sorry.’ I had a high tolerance for this; I blew it off and went on with life. My expectation of others seems to be low. In relationships, I am comfortable with 80/20, not 50/50. I always give more than I get.”

Daria says, “The pattern I see with myself in love relationships is that the physical relationship is the most important. If I am not present in the most sexual way, I feel I will not receive love from my boyfriend. I am valued for what I do for him sexually. I got this from my mom. She was always so beautiful. She would get dressed for Dad. She smelled good, sexy lingerie, sex toys, tried to look good for Dad. Dad had Playboy magazines, and she would look through them with us. Sex was very important to their relationship. She taught me that what I can do for a man was how I would be valued by him.”

In every relationship, Coral has worked harder than the man. “I keep everything going when things don’t work out. I feel responsible for everything. I don’t hold him as accountable as I hold myself.”

“My pattern is to pick men I can control completely,” Charlene says. “Then I can’t get hurt. I pick people underneath me or less accomplished than I am. When I got married, I was screaming in my head, No, no, no. I knew then, but I kept going.”

Marlene says, “I always got into relationships with people who were messed up and needed me. My last boyfriend tried to kill himself when I broke up with him and had to be hospitalized. I always got the boys that were down on their luck. I do the same thing with girlfriends. I am everyone’s adviser.”

Kate, 64, relates the following: “My relationship patterns are not good. I usually picked the wrong men. My first husband was abusive, physically and emotionally; my second husband was an alcoholic and a drug addict; and my third husband is an addict and felon. I smother, take care of them, and try to fix everything. I often get to a point where I have had enough and then I go on. I tend to try to impress and over-love somebody to make him love me.

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