Why We Love the Way We Do by Shenoy Preeti
Author:Shenoy, Preeti
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: westland
Published: 2015-11-15T18:30:00+00:00
Is friends-with-benefits a good option in relationships
If you were a young man living in Europe in the 1800s and you fancied a woman, you would have to call on her parents and express your interest. Her parents would then permit you to talk to her and get to know her. All this would be without sex or physical contact ever entering the picture. Many families from lower income groups had small homes and couldn’t accommodate the prospective suitor, hence the couple began leaving the house, with the parents’ permission, to spend some time together. This is how the phrase ‘going on a date’ came into existence and got popularised.
But people went on these dates only if there was an interest to get married. The initial date was a meeting to whet out similarities, find out more about the other person and to see if they liked each other enough to spend the rest of their lives together.
This began changing in the mid-Sixties. With the invention of the birth control pill, a sexual revolution began. People began to have more sexual encounters. The dating era slowly metamorphosed into a ‘hook-up’ culture. The idea that women were entitled to their sexual pleasure as much as men took root and spread rapidly. People became more in tune with their sexuality and inner desires. The way we had sex changed. The sexual revolution that originated in the West came to India too, and today in the Indian metros, going on dates, hooking up and one-night stands are very common.
A curious by-product of this sexual liberation is something that has sprung up in very recent times: the ‘friends-with-benefits’ scenario. ‘Friends with benefits’ is a situation where two friends have sex on a regular basis. It may or may not develop into a romantic relationship. It is a relationship which also has the friendship element and it’s not an association purely for sex, like a one-night stand. It is likely to be kept a secret or might be known only to a few close friends. It is not a relationship that one would flaunt on a social networking site or even mention to the family. It may be short-lived, with both parties moving when their circumstances change.
Vaibhav, twenty-eight, a techie, had a ‘friends-with-benefits’ relationship with Maya when he was in his final year of college. Maya was in his college, but in a different stream, and she shared a flat with three other girls. Vaibhav and Maya really enjoyed each other’s company and were great pals. If anything good happened to Maya, the first person she would share the news with was Vaibhav. It was the same for him. All their friends were more or less certain that they would end up with each other, even though both vehemently denied it and said that they weren’t anything more than good friends. The sex was great and both were really happy for a while. They both finished college and began working. The arrangement continued, but while it suited Vaibhav just fine, Maya started wanting more from it.
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