Why Does Daddy Always Look So Sad? by Jude Morrow

Author:Jude Morrow
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Beyond Words

I wish I could say that I had an instant moment of clarity. I immediately denied that my mood was poor and insisted that I was feeling the pressures and demands of my work. In truth, I had gained several years’ experience at this point and I was able to do my duties quite well. Mum and Dad knew something was wrong, and apparently so did Ethan. My cover was so badly blown that my toddler son could sense that I wasn’t the daddy he’d had for the first eighteen months of his life.

Mum suggested I visit the doctor again but I refused. My attitude toward medications triggered my feelings of self-inadequacy. I didn’t want to feel broken anymore and I truly believed I could overcome this challenge on my own. I rejected all help and decided I would to try and help myself. Mum sighed and I left the kitchen to go to the living room to see Ethan. I gave Ethan a hug and told him that I would feel better soon.

After Ethan would go to bed or was returned to his mum, I’d spend many hours researching alternative methods to ease my anxieties. I discovered that having a positive hobby or interest could help me. Studies have shown that relaxing hobbies can increase overall well-being. Most people would decide to partake in activities such as yoga, oil painting, attending an exercise class, flower arranging, or stamp collecting. Me? I decided that I wanted to run a marathon. At least, I decided I would give myself time to train to run twenty-six miles. I once thrived at setting myself lofty goals and I believed this could be the answer to everyone’s prayers, especially Ethan’s.

During one of our Saturday-morning adventures, the two of us went to a sports shop for running gear. I purchased a range of shorts, socks, breathable fabric t-shirts, and shoes. Remember that I hadn’t been able to run a single mile to this point, but I was now excited at the thought of running twenty-six miles consecutively. Ethan loved running around the sports shop and he took items off the rails that he thought I needed. The majority of this trip involved telling Ethan to put bikinis, cricket balls, and swimming goggles back where he found them. I spent a fortune on running gear and I was determined to complete this feat of endurance.

I downloaded an app to help me train and I was excited to start. I entered my goal into the app and it calculated a training schedule for me until marathon race day. I told Mum and Dad that I wanted to exercise and explained the benefits it could have on my mood. I believe they were desperate by this point for any change and so they were keen to see this work in making me better again. Mum and Dad also reminded me that such a run would require many hours of training, mostly at Ethan’s expense, and I wouldn’t see him as often.

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