Who Will Love Me Now? by Maggie Hartley

Author:Maggie Hartley [Hartley, Maggie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781409170587
Publisher: Orion
Published: 2017-07-20T04:00:00+00:00

TWELVE

The Hardest Decision

That night I tossed and turned and hardly got a wink of sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Vicky had said and was churning it over and over in my mind. I knew she was right. The fact was Ryan and Kirsty couldn’t live together, so that meant either one of them could leave. It didn’t necessarily have to be Kirsty.

Just after 6 a.m. I heard Ryan chattering away in his cot on the baby monitor and I felt sick with guilt. How could I even consider letting this gorgeous boy go? He was the innocent party here. I couldn’t even contemplate the idea of saying goodbye to him by the end of the following day, before Kirsty came out of hospital.

Yes, one day he was going to be adopted, but that would be a gradual process. I’d meet his new parents, we’d do a settling-in period and it would give us all time to get used to the idea. Especially me. It was so hard to say goodbye to children, especially a baby like Ryan who I’d fallen in love with. I couldn’t let him go so suddenly, could I?

Like I did most mornings, I brought him into bed with me while I had my first cup of tea of the day. As he snuggled into me, all sleepy and warm, I felt tears prick my eyes at the mere thought of him leaving. Even though I hadn’t given birth to him, I felt fiercely protective towards him.

No, this entire mess was all Kirsty’s doing, I told myself. These were her words, her actions. She was the one who had to face the consequences and leave.

Once I’d got up and fed Ryan his breakfast, I gave Kate a ring.

‘How was Kirsty last night when you went to see her?’ I asked.

‘She was very weak and feeling a bit sorry for herself,’ she told me. ‘She kept asking for you.’

‘I’ll be going up later on this morning,’ I said.

‘How did you get on with finding a new foster carer for her?’ I added.

‘Maggie, I tried and tried,’ she sighed. ‘Honestly, I was on the phone for hours yesterday afternoon, but there is no one who will take her.

‘I think the only option now is a children’s home. I phoned a few yesterday so hopefully they’ll get back to me today.’

My heart sank. Although I had nothing against children’s homes and they worked well for some kids, I knew it wasn’t the right place for a child like Kirsty. The staff in children’s homes work shifts so there are always a lot of people coming and going. Kirsty needed continuity and consistency of care from one or two people who would be around her the whole time. She needed the safety, security and love of a family unit. She needed to attach to people and she needed them to attach to her. In a children’s home, a girl like her would get swallowed up and lost in the system.

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