What It Seems by Emily Bleeker

Author:Emily Bleeker [Bleeker, Emily]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781542043748
Published: 2020-03-16T16:00:00+00:00

Inside the store, Henry grabs a basket, and I take a cart out of habit. A cart is good cover. He suggests I take the first half of the list, which includes simple items like note cards and markers, cleaning supplies and sponges. I’m not sure how all of this relates to the stupid fashion show we’re supposed to be filming with Kelsey later today, but I just do as my list instructs.

It takes six or seven minutes to get all the items listed on my phone. I’m careful when I take it in and out of my pocket because very little holds the fabric pouch together other than a set of snaps that make the false belly accessible during shopping trips. Unlike my other maternity dress that we used at department stores, Mother altered this one specifically for smaller items. Both had their usefulness, but right now I’d give anything to not look like a huge tent of material.

As I wait for Henry, I stroll up and down the aisles with a cart full of items I’m actually going to buy. It might not be my money, but it’s still liberating. I slow to a stop, the front wheel squealing against the waxed vinyl flooring.

I’ve ended up in the oral hygiene section, and columns of flavored toothpaste and multicolored toothbrushes call to me. Until recently I had no idea that my body odor might be different from any other human’s. But then I met flowery Alyssa and musky Stan and bubble gum-y Kelsey and woodsy Connor. And their teeth are straight, white, brilliant. My fingertips tingle. If I had money with me, I’d buy so many good-smelling things. I could come back later and purchase all the items I need, but I don’t want to ask someone to drive me back for deodorant. Then again, I could just take it . . . but no . . . I’m giving that up, right?

Mother’s words come to mind. She’d give me this lecture at least once a year for the first four or five years after I was adopted. It took a while to learn how to mute that nagging voice of guilt that gnawed inside of me back then.

No one is there for us, Tara. We can’t wait for handouts. Plus, these stores have insurance. They basically get paid twice as much for missing items. If they knew how hard our life was, they’d want us to do it.

Mother couldn’t have been all wrong, could she? That part of me she trained from the time I was a small child to palm tubes of lipstick and hide bracelets up my sleeve is activated. I check for any onlookers without moving my head, like Mother taught me, and then I put several articles in my cart like I’m stocking up a supply closet. In the basket are things I need, like toothpaste and toothbrushes, deodorant, and shampoo, but also other bulkier items from the list on my phone, like toilet paper and a six-pack of soda.

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