Twenty by Debra Landwehr Engle

Author:Debra Landwehr Engle
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kensington Books
Published: 2019-12-09T16:00:00+00:00

DAY TEN

When I headed to the airport this morning, I had that same strange sensation I’ve been experiencing more and more each day. It’s a little like when I got glasses in fifth grade. There I was, age ten, riding home from the appointment with the ophthalmologist. I sat in the backseat and looked at the trees going by and marveled that I could see each individual leaf. Before, they’d been one big blur and I hadn’t even known it.

It was a wondrous thing, seeing each leaf outlined as its own entity, understanding the shape and form of things around me, appreciating their uniqueness and beauty. Everything that had been one mishmash suddenly appeared distinctly formed, and I felt in awe of it, as if I’d been transported into a world that had been there all along and escaped my notice. How could I have not seen clearly? How could definition make color brighter?

I’d been worried about how I would look in the glasses, how others would see me (and let’s face it, the new look wasn’t pretty with those black pointy frames with silver stars in the corners). I hadn’t anticipated that I would see everything around me so differently. Temporarily, at least, I forgot to be self-conscious about my looks.

That’s what seems to be happening now. A few days ago, driving by dried-up fields and trees drooping with fatigue, I would have been overwhelmed with melancholy. Today I saw the same thing as lovely. Obviously the view hasn’t changed. But something in me has. I’m seeing things in a new way, and I’m not sure why. If it’s due to the pearls, it’s a side effect Dr. Edelman never mentioned.

It was most profound on the landing in Seattle. I’ve visited many times over the years, but this morning, flying in around eleven a.m., the sun dazzled me. We circled over Puget Sound, decreasing in altitude with each loop as though we were descending into a vortex of light. The sun sparkled on the water, almost blinding me. I’ve visited at times in rainy, gray weather. But today I felt like the plane gently lowered me into a cavern of diamonds. That’s how brilliant and beautiful it was.

Holly and Becky met me at the airport. Becky reminds me a lot of Rose, or what I think she would have looked like at fifteen. Holly and Phil named her for the flower Rudbeckia, the brown-eyed Susan. Sure enough, she has brown eyes and beautiful blond hair. Her name is not officially Rudbeckia, though—they wouldn’t have done that to her. And Holly didn’t have as much investment in carrying on the family flower lineage as I did.

She’s tall and thin, still at that stage halfway between tomboy and princess. She’s the girl I always envied in school. The one with hair that falls in gentle waves over her shoulders. One minute she’s got it pulled back into a ponytail with a scrunchie. And the next it’s wrapped up in a tousle on top of her head.

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