Trees Tall as Mountains (The Journey Mama Writings: Book 1) by Rachel Devenish Ford

Author:Rachel Devenish Ford [Ford, Rachel Devenish]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Small Seed Press
Published: 2013-12-28T05:00:00+00:00

february

February 6, 2007

Yesterday I fell apart. Limbs were dropping hither and thither, it was crazy. I still haven't found my right arm.

Why are women like waves? Why the drama? My Superstar Husband can cruise along for months without the slightest bit of drama, his emotional path is a solid line to the horizon. I don't understand the point of my ups and downs. As soon as I even think that I'm in the clear, BAM, I'm knocked down by the sheer intensity of my discouragement. The huge and pervasive piece of logic in my head is, "I don't think I can do this." And so, I fall apart.

Because who wants to spend their life doing something they'll never succeed at? Doesn't this seem like the ultimate road to insanity? And this is what gets me, this voice in my head throughout my day that tells me I'm not doing anything at the standard that I want. I think the problem might be my standards, as well as that stupid voice. (Shut UP, voice!)

A good thing about these waves is that I am forced to take stock. Often I am speeding along in my little path, not noticing all of the bad information that clings to me like barnacles. It's time for some picking off of the barnacles. I realize that I begin to measure everything with a little measuring stick, how clean my house is, how much work I get done in a day, and then when things crash in on me I look at my stick with new eyes and I'm amazed by this stick. Where did I find it? How did it make its way into my hand? What does this flipping stick have to do with dreams anyways?

Because dreams are very important, and dreams are not standards that crush you. I think the Bible is full of dreams, although it is often used as a stick. I believe that a lot of people are afraid of something as beautiful as these holy words because they're using them as another stick in their lives, and let me tell you people, they will never measure up. And thus, we are afraid of living our whole lives through, never being the thing we are trying to be. Insanity.

Last night I had my first flying dream ever. I think that it was the glimmer that started the thoughts behind this post, because although I've heard of people talking about dreams of flying, I have never actually flown. In my dream I was walking and suddenly the horizon dropped beneath me and at first I had no idea about what was going on. But I was flying, and I've never had such a wonderful dream. Never. During the rest of it, I was trying to show other people that I could fly. And there we were, trudging along our own dusty paths until we were lifted suddenly above it all.

I think that this another way to look at the Bible. Here I

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