Three More Words by Ashley Rhodes-Courter

Author:Ashley Rhodes-Courter
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atheneum Books for Young Readers

Albert had enjoyed having more children in the house. He and Lance were growing up together like brothers. Unlike brothers, however, it was preordained that they each would suffer an inevitable separation. Although many of Albert’s skills were delayed, he had a precocious emotional awareness. He also had a knack for making every adult in his life feel important. The first words he learned were everyone’s names, including all our extended family and his teachers. We were Mommy and Daddy. Workers, however, would call his birth father Daddy, which just confused Albert. During the rare visits, when someone would say, “there’s Daddy” or “go to Daddy,” Albert would search for Erick.

After Albert’s father missed more weekly visits, Erick brought up the big question with a simple declaration. “I love Albert. I don’t want him to ever leave.”

How was it that Erick found it so easy to love? Erick had loved me years before I could admit I felt the same way about him. Albert didn’t have years. I was the designated mother; so I was the one who had to find a way to feel that fondness and commit to him first. That would be the signal for him to bond to me. Later, if we were separated by official decree, he could carry that emotional memory through other relationships.

“The law says his father should have only had twelve months to complete his case plan,” Erick continued, getting more irate. “He rarely visits, even though he was granted all that extra unsupervised time. Isn’t he at the put-up-or-shut-up stage?”

“Judges can make as many extensions and exceptions as they wish if they feel parents have made some kind of effort or face other hardships,” I responded.

“Yes, but that’s not what’s happening here. He keeps telling the court that Albert’s ‘his seed’!”

That evening when I tucked Albert in, I kissed his soft cheek. I remembered being twelve and telling Gay that she could kiss me good night, but that I would never, ever reciprocate. Why had I been so rigid? This darling little boy was overflowing with love for us and almost everyone he met. I could not fail Albert like his parents had, or I might be dooming him to a lifelong attachment disorder.

“Albert, I love you very, very much,” I whispered into his ear. As I said these words my heart swelled; it overflowed with the reality that they weren’t just spoken, but were true. Maybe it was easier to love than I thought. In parenting him, I realized that I had been parenting myself. By wholeheartedly loving him, I was loving who I had become.

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