The World at My Feet by Catherine Isaac

Author:Catherine Isaac
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster UK
Published: 2021-01-06T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 35

Ellie

Colette opens the door to her office with the air of a latter-day Mary Poppins. Straight-backed and with an efficient smile that gives the impression that she’s here to sort out all this fuss.

‘Good afternoon, Ellie. How are you?’ she asks, as if I last saw her yesterday, not over two years ago.

‘Fine,’ I say automatically, as she closes the door. ‘Apart from being a gibbering wreck, obviously.’

I spent time choosing the right outfit before I left, aiming to look fashionable, but with optimum levels of comfort. Now I’m here, damp rings are visible under each arm of my softspun top and there is blood on my trousers from the hangnail I tore off on the journey. It was every bit as bad as I knew it would be, despite Dad’s efforts to distract me by chatting. When he ran out of steam, he switched on the midday radio show just as the presenter announced, ‘Today we’ll be discussing the House of Lords, pancreatitis and sex shops on the A1.’ He turned it off again.

Colette invites me to sit, which I do, in a chair that is new and more comfortable than the last. She sits opposite me and crosses her legs. She’s wearing glossy brogues, wide-leg trousers and a pale blouse buttoned up to the spot where her clavicles meet. The ensemble has a slightly masculine edge that counterbalances the soft features of her face and the swish of her honey-coloured bob.

‘You certainly don’t look like a gibbering wreck,’ she says. ‘That’s a lovely outfit.’

I lift both arms in the air. ‘The sweat rings set it off a treat, don’t they? They’re a special, exclusive embellishment available to agoraphobics, nervous wrecks and general wet lettuces.’

‘That’s a lot of self-deprecation in one sentence, Ellie.’

‘It feels rather justified at the moment,’ I say.

She opens my file. ‘So…’

‘Did you finish The West Wing?’ I ask.

She looks up. ‘What?’

‘Last time I was here you were making your way through the box set.’

‘Oh. Yes, actually.’ She looks down again.

‘What did you think of the ending?’

She tilts her chin as she looks at me. ‘Ellie, shall we get started?’

‘Okay. Though, I ought to say… about the last time I saw you. Sorry for leaving so abruptly.’

‘It’s quite all right. I went shopping instead.’

My mouth parts.

‘Just kidding.’ She smiles. ‘And I ought to say: well done for coming here. I know how difficult it is. Now why don’t you tell me what’s been happening?’

It’s Guy I tell her about first. How we met. How I have growing feelings for him. And that, while I know how attracted he is to me – he doesn’t even attempt to hide it – I am painfully aware that the thing that is stopping this from evolving into a proper relationship is my agoraphobia.

I feel self-conscious, like a teenager writing to a problem page. So I also tell her about the growth of my Instagram business, the one area of my life that is going well. I don’t want her to think I’m a complete loser.

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