The Tears and Prayers of Fools by Grigory Kanovich

Author:Grigory Kanovich
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780815656883
Publisher: Syracuse University Press
Published: 2023-09-04T00:00:00+00:00

Rabbi Uri carefully pulls his finger plugs out from his hairy ears, and once again he hears Rokhl’s impatient, irritated voice.

“I won’t call you again. Get up!” Her voice was commanding and sounded unfriendly.

Rabbi Uri waits and looks around. The cold autumn sun streams through the window.

How can this be, he thinks, trying to reconcile reality with his memories—Rokhl and I were just standing here together, looking at Iser, breathing together, and all at once, in an instant, everything is gone, everything has vanished, and I’m in my cold bed, the autumn sun is streaming through the window, the pillow case on the pillow is dirty, the sheet and blanket are tattered, my feet are sticking out, my hair is tangled and hasn’t been washed for so long, and my chest is like the side of a pig, with clumps of coarse white bristles. God, is this disgusting old man with abscesses and scabs, like Job in the Bible, really me—Rabbi Uri, the founder of the town’s synagogue and cemetery, a sower of goodness and harmony, a fortress of faith? Are these my eyes that see not Mount Sinai but only a spider and a fly? Are these my ears that hear, not the sound of timbrels, but the tinkling voice of my wife? Are these my hands that don’t part clouds but only poke around a dirty pillow? Where are my neighbors, who were once so abundant? Where are my faithful students who followed me in droves and caught my every word, even if it made them shudder? Where are my enemies who thought about one thing only—to hound me to death, shut my mouth, and deprive me of my faith? Faith! Are you just a moment, just a wooden cradle without a baby, which people sing lullabies to in vain until they die?

There’s nothing here, Master of the Universe, nothing. Just a spider weaving her web, just a fly pursuing me and speaking in the voice of my Rokhl.

Rokhl is the fly!

Why didn’t I think of that before!

Thank You, God, for this miracle. Thank You. Truth be told, I deserve it. I have served You my whole long life and never asked for any reward for myself, not even a sniff of tobacco. Is faith alone not a reward?

I’ll get up from bed now. I’ll sit at the table and start eating the peas.

Never mind that there are no peas on the table or in the kitchen cabinet. What does it matter if something is absent in the wide world—we can still taste it, merciful God. Taste it, and rejoice, and sing Your praises. Sometimes it even seems sweeter to us than what we have.

I’m getting up now, God. Don’t pay any attention to my grunts and groans, don’t be angry with me, merciful God—it’s always hard for me to get up in the morning. In the morning only the sun rises easily. And it sets more easily than people do.

If my groans are unpleasant, plug Your ears with Your wrinkled index fingers.

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