The Running Trees by Amber McMillan

Author:Amber McMillan
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781773101705
Publisher: Goose Lane Editions
Published: 2021-08-18T00:00:00+00:00

CONVERSATION #40

Pluto of Happiness

“I, um…god.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’m just — I just — I’m nervous.”

“There’s no need. Let’s not be nervous.”

“Okay. Yes. Okay.”

“There’s no need.”

“Is this — Jesus, I feel so stupid right now — is this what you thought it would be like?”

“Like what would be like? This moment?”

“I guess so, yeah. This moment and the moments before this one, and the ones that are coming after. All of these moments here.”

“I don’t know. It’s something like I imagined, sure.”

“So you imagined this right.”

“I imagined right?”

“Correctly, I mean. You were correct when you imagined how this was going to go? You know, that must be very rare. I mean, I can’t think of a single time I imagined something in advance and that imagining was…true. Or even a time I imagined it, like, pretty close to the way anything turned out to be. I’m off, you know? I’m off, like, most of the time.”

“I wouldn’t say you’re off most of the time.”

“But…wait…like, how would you know whether I am or not, though? I mean — I just mean — we don’t really know each other, do we? Seems to me you wouldn’t really know that kind of thing about me anymore. If you ever did.”

“I think I know you pretty well. Are you upset about something?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I’m just trying to talk.”

“Okay, good. Let’s talk.”

“I want to know…I guess I want to know…I want to know first off why you imagined it would be like this to sit here with me. Why did you see it going like this? Okay, listen, never mind, just listen: How could you have known I’d be nervous, for example?”

“I didn’t know you’d be nervous. I didn’t say I knew you’d be nervous. I — how to put this — I’m not surprised, or I wasn’t surprised, when you admitted just now that you were nervous.”

“Okay. So it’s not surprising to you that I might have a hard time seeing you right now. And that this hard time might make me nervous.”

“I didn’t say hard time.”

“Are you surprised to know I’m having a hard time?”

“I’m surprised that you seem upset. Are you upset? I would certainly say I’m surprised that you’re upset with me.”

“It’s good that we’re talking.”

“I agree. It’s nice to talk to you again. It’s been a long time, Anna.”

“It’s been years and years. It’s good that we’re talking now, clearing the air.”

“Clearing the air?”

“What would you call it?”

“I think I would call this two old friends getting together after a long time apart. In fact, that’s how I did regard it until just now.”

“You regarded us as two old friends right up until a few moments ago?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I find that…I find that impossible to believe.”

“I’m confused, Anna.”

“And out of the blue, just all of a sudden, like just totally out of the blue I’m not nervous anymore!”

“Okay, well that’s good. That’s good, love. There’s certainly no need to be nervous.”

“I’m not nervous because, you know, I thought you’d

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